The break up

In January, my box (Crossfit gym, get with it!) decided to participate in the 30 day Paleo challenge. Being a distance runner, I knew it wouldn't be a good time because carbs are key for fueling my long runs. Oatmeal was my go-to breakfast as a runner. I made it with rolled oats, honey, a mashed banana, peanut butter, and cinnamon. I miss it! It's like a relative that's passed. Some days are easier than others...
My friends were seeing incredible results during the Paleo challenge, and the one's that continued past the 30 days continued to lose weight and increase lean muscle mass.

When I start being less fat, my only goals were related to numbers.
I wanted to weigh 180... then 175... then 160 (which I never even got to because I realized it wasn't about the number after I began Crossfit and gained more muscle).
I wanted to run 3 miles... then 5 miles... then 10 miles... then a half marathon.
I was seeing fantastic results with just running and a few exercise classes here and there. My entire workout regiment was devoted to cardio, and that worked for a long time.

Recently, my goals have changed entirely. During my early life crisis this past semester, I struggled a lot with the fact that the number on the scale were increasing, regardless of the fact that I was running 20-30 miles a week AND attending Crossfit classes 3-4 times per week. I couldn't wrap my head around it, but it was the root of a lot of my anxiety. I feared that I would revert to my old, fat self.
One of the biggest changes I've experienced since beginning weightlifting is the urge to eat constantly. My body craves protein to repair the muscles I break down with each workout. Once I realized the reason I was constantly seeking food, I began more in-depth research on the benefits of a Paleo diet.

Being a teacher, I am on my feet all day. I eat breakfast at 5, a snack at 8:30, lunch at 10:50, another snack at 3, and then dinner by 7. My day revolves around thinking about when and what I'll eat next. #confessionsofafatty (seems appropriate)
It became VERY clear to me that my intense exercise regiment was not the problem. My eating habits were killing me. My meals are always very well portioned and healthy. I am a lover of all vegetables and fruits. I eat the appropriate serving size of meat, unless it's General Tso's chicken, but let's not go there...
Sweets are my weakness. I love chocolate like I love my dog. If you told me that I had to choose between giving my pup away or never seeing a single piece of chocolate again, I would need an obscene amount of time to weigh my options. I don't discriminate, though. Chocolate is my favorite, but sweets of any kind ignite record breaking binge eating sprees that are so raunchy they should be televised on HBO. A single bite of anything with sugar in it will only fuel the fire.
It took months for me to accept the fact that I was going to have to change my eating habits if I was going to continue to see results.

My biggest fear with trying Paleo was that it would have a negative impact on my ability to run. I can no longer eat grains or legumes, which mean I am having to eat starchy vegetables and carb-rich fruits to make up for fact that I can't down a bowl of oatmeal or eat a plate of spaghetti the night before a big run. I found this to be very helpful!

I don't know if it's because I enjoy the social atmosphere so much at my box or because it's humid as Hades here in Alabama, but I have little to no desire to run most days. I have been throwing myself into Crossfit by attending 4-5 classes every week. My goal for the summer was to alternate my mornings between running a shorter distances (2-4 miles) and swimming, and then attended CF in the evenings. However, I cannot seem to get myself going in the mornings like I am used to. Two summers ago, I was up every morning to run 5-6 miles before 7. Last summer, I attended the 5:15 a.m. CF class every morning, and I usually ran 4-5 miles every other day in addition to Crossfit. I go to bed with the best of intentions, but that alarm goes off and I lose all motivation. Am I breaking up with running? 

The mere thought of running 6 miles right now makes me cringe. How was I able to do it before? I looked back at my run calendar from last year, and on this day last summer, I ran 10 miles! I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. 

Needless to say, I am having an incredibly difficult time embracing this change. Running is what got me here. I used to look forward to exploring the streets, the recovery smoothies, and the fact that I could run the length of this town in under two hours. It's scary because I am so appreciative of all that running has done for me, but I am completely burned out. I haven't given it up entirely. Don't get me wrong, regardless of the complaining and griping I do before each run, I am still running 3-4 miles every other day. I have learned to love my treadmill again.

Since we moved to a new apartment, I am not able to step outside and take off. I would probably be run over my a jacked up truck speeding through these curvy country roads at 60 mph. There is no where safe to run around me, so I have to drive to local parks. They're not far, but it makes it very hard to stay motivated when you have to get up and drive somewhere else. 

I have also been breaking my runs up into more Crossfit-style workouts. Since distance running on a treadmill for 30-40 minutes straight sounds like the worst form of torture imaginable, I stop between each mile and incorporate some form of strength training. 

Here are some examples:

Run 3 miles

Between each mile: 15 push ups, 20 plank rows, 30 bicycle crunches

Run 4 miles

Between each mile: 20 leg lifts, 30 mountain climbers, 1 minute plank 

It's not so bad, and it's not infinity degrees! I still rain from head to toe, but the humidity is what makes summer running in the south so unappealing. 

I'm learning to adapt to the new changes. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. My dad made an excellent point: I'm still being mindful of my health and I am still very physically active. There's no harm in change. 

So maybe when fall comes around I'll start training for a few long distance runs, but I can't promise anything. For now, I am sticking with what I enjoy. 

Blakely brought this home from work last night: 

I look forward to spending the rest of the day by the pool, making a menu for this week! Eek! 

Once you go fat, you never go back

It has been months since my last update, but if you have been around me at all lately, you understand why. I usually begin my posts by telling you how chaotic my life is. I will spare you with the details, but I will tell you that over the past few months, my life has changed drastically in several ways. Between the months of February and May, I found myself in new territory: depression. Typically, I am a level-headed woman. I've always known what I wanted and can remain composed enough to achieve my goals and overcome obstacles. Here are just a few of the things I was dealing with during that time:

-Full-time teaching
-IEP season (the busiest time of the year for special ed teachers)
-Moving (our old apartment was beginning to mold... yes, mold was accumulating because of so much water damage from the ridiculous amount of maintenance issues we had)
-Blakely finding a new job
-Grad school! (two research papers, a group project, and a final all due within 2 weeks of each other)
-Organizing and teaching Fit Friends
-In the midst of the madness, Blakely and I booked a Disney trip in December that was nonrefundable. It was fun and a much needed vacation, but it was terrible timing.

My heart rate increases just looking at that list. I don't know how I got through all of it. When I wasn't researching autism or writing annual goals for my school babies, I was trying my best to maintain a healthy eating and exercise schedule.
It is never easy to admit that you need help. It was a foreign concept to me because I have always been the overachiever who can get things done without calling on others. My anxiety was paralyzing. I had never experienced a feeling of such doubt. When I wasn't running around like a mad woman, I was panicking over the things I needed to do and second guessing every little decision I made. I had no choice but to turn to my doctor. I am not one to take medication for things like this. It was my goal to be one of the 25% of teachers not taking anti-anxiety medication. Yes, 75% of teachers are currently taking mood altering drugs. This statistic has always surprised me. Regardless of the stresses of dealing with endless mounds of paperwork, aggressive and inappropriate behaviors, and what's that thing called again? Oh yeah, actually teaching my kids, I love my job. I have fantastic students and parents. This has really been my easiest year as a teacher. I tried every trick in the book, eating better (which fell to the wayside FAST once IEPs hit), exercise, meditation, you name it... I could not overcome my anxiety. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that summer was just around the corner.

It's not east to admit this stuff. In fact, there are very few people I have even talked to about this, but I figure maybe it can help someone in a similar situation. Let's lighten the mood!

Summer is here! I have made some changes that have helped with my anxiety and improved my overall health! I found out I don't have any summer classes, which is setting me back from graduating. Honestly, I don't care anymore when I graduate as long as I get it done. It's somewhat of a blessing in disguise. I needed the break! I deserve the break.

Fit Friends has really taken off! Our first meeting was in April, and we have been trucking right along since then! Sometimes it feels like a second job, but when I see those smiling faces come running through the door every Tuesday, it makes it all worth it! I have met some amazing folks through this organization, and I hope it continues to have a positive impact on their lives. We are working on fundraising right now so we can hopefully become a nonprofit organization. I had no idea what a ridiculously expensive task that is! Our local newspaper ran a story on Fit Friends, and they featured me in the Community Spotlight section. I've never been in the newspaper, so I was really excited.

I guess the biggest change I've made this summer was making the decision to live a Paleo lifestyle. I can feel you rolling your eyes through my screen! I realize it's a fad right now, and I'm one of the million Crossfitters to drink this Koolaid, but I have seen so much improvement in the way I feel since I started in May. At first, I wanted to try it to shed the extra pound I put on during my early-life crisis, as I like to call it. IEP season is insanely stressful, and you will always find me typing away at my desk with a giant bag of M&Ms or some other sugar-filled treat to calm my nerves. I like to say the 7 pound weight gain during the school year was because of the muscle I was putting on from weightlifting, and I'm sure some of it was, but most of it was the result of the copious amounts of chocolaty goodness I was consuming on a daily basis. Blakely and I were eating out a lot because our entire life remained packed in liquor store boxes until the end of the school year, and let's not talk about the terrible food we devoured at Disney World. I won't apologize for that, though.
I was eating more and exercising less, so weight gain was bound to happen. I felt tired and bloated all the time. I'm sure it didn't help my anxiety at all, either.
I started transitioning into the Paleo lifestyle in the beginning of May. The strict rules for following this diet are:
-No grains
-No dairy
-No refined or added sugar
-Grassfed meats only
-Limited caffeine intake (basically, black coffee!)
Emphasis is placed on increasing the amount of protein and healthy fats you're eating.

My favorite things in the world use to be oatmeal, candy, and a full pot of coffee to access throughout the day as my sugar levels spiked and crashed. For the first few weeks, I cut back on my grains. I only ate oatmeal a few times a week, whereas before, it was my daily breakfast. Dairy was not a big transition. I ate ice cream occasionally and used coffee creamer. I loved cheese, but I could live without it. I knew sugar and caffeine would be the hardest part. I limited myself to one cup in the mornings, and I tried to cut back on the sugar and creamer I was using. I was eating 1 strict Paleo meal each day so I could experiment with new recipes.

By the end of May, my body was ready for the change. I felt disgusting, large, and not so in charge. The first week was the hardest. I wanted coffee more than anything, more than chocolate if that's possible. I was bitter and weak. My workouts were suffering because my body was getting used to running on less carbs. My runs felt strenuous and agonizing. Wall balls, which were never fun in the first place, became my worst enemy. I was so mean to Blakely because of my withdrawals, and he was forced to adapt to my new diet for the few meals that we are able to share during the week. He's such a trooper.
After the two weeks, I had dropped 6 pounds, and I had more energy than I knew what to do with! I was sleeping better and it felt like my recovery time was improving after workouts. A month went by and I saw amazing results not only with physical the changes in my body, but I was able to come off my anxiety medication! I was ready to fully commit to this new lifestyle!

Then I discovered all that Wisconsin had to offer, and I reverted back to my fat ways. I always say "once you go fat, you never go back". Fat being a state of mind, of course. I went to Wisconsin for Annie's wedding. I had mentally prepared myself to stick to my diet until the day of the wedding where I would splurge on wedding cake and a glass of wine. Yeah...no. I was in the land of cheese and beer. I was literally greeted upon my arrival to WI with a kiosk of cheese clothing (ties, top hats, baseball caps all made out of fake cheese). My stomach sank because I knew it was coming... Annie took my to get fried cheese curds and custard within a few hours of my arrival. If you aren't familiar with cheese curds, which I wasn't other than Miss Tuffet eating her curds and whey, they are heavenly balls of cheese, deep fried to golden perfection, and they make my fat Spidey-senses tingle. I was also unfamiliar with custard. All I know is that it has something to do with ice cream and eggs that give you extra thick ice cream that is worlds better than anything I'd ever tasted before. I made sure to mix mine with peanut butter and cookie dough because the custard alone wasn't fat enough for me. Yolo?
That sparked a 5 day long eating frenzy. My eating spell did not go unpunished. I had not eaten dairy, sugar, or grains for a month. My stomach was NOT happy. It was actually sore to the touch. I won't go into the horrific details of it all, but my body did not like the shock I gave it while in Wisconsin. here are a few pictures from the wedding.

I am working extra hard to get back on track with my Paleo eating. Sometimes you have to revert back to your old, fat ways to remind yourself why you chose to stop eating that way in the first place. It was fun while it lasted, but my workouts have been brutal. My tummy is still not in a good state, and my muscles are sore beyond belief, but I am confident that I will get back to where I was before. Paleo is no longer about losing weight for me. I am a tall woman, and I enjoy my curves. I want to feel sexy and comfortable in my own skin, and I know I'll get there with Paleo. Here are a few of my favorite recipes so far! You don't have to sacrifice your favorite foods with Paleo! You just learn to make them with different ingredients.

Chicken Spaghetti Squash Pizza Pie

Sometimes I omit the chicken and add italian sausage! 

Paleo Meatballs

I make a huge batch and eat them with everything! Eggs, zucchini noodles, you name it! 

Egg Muffins

You can add any meat and veggies you want to these! I make a batch of 12 for the whole week. 

Paleo Muffins

Don't be afraid to play with the fruits and nuts in this recipe! I have made blueberry walnut muffins, strawberry with dark chocolate chips, and banana nut muffins so far. All were very delicious! 

Balancing Act

Where do I even begin? Crazy is not powerful enough to describe my life right now. Between organizing Fit Friends, grad school, and that teaching thing I do everyday, I can't seem to find a spare moment to keep this thing updated. Lucky for me, we have been "snowed in" for the last two days. I am pretty up to date on my grad school assignments, and it looks like my lesson plans will roll over into next week, so here we go...

I ran the Hot Chocolate 15K a couple of weeks ago in Atlanta. I wasn't going to do it for several reasons. One being that I hadn't run 9 miles in two months. Another reason was that I was doing it alone. I saw the jackets they were giving the runners, and I figured what the heck? I can run a couple of miles, get a sweet running jacket, and eat a crap ton of chocolate afterwards. It was definitely worth the $60 bucks! The event was huge, the biggest race I have ever run. The event was a ton of fun, and running 9 miles isn't so hard when you know there is a chocolate party at the finish line. My parents went with me even though it was 20 something degrees outside. The race as through downtown Atlanta, so I had a lot of beautiful scenery (and homeless people) to look at while I ran. I would recommend this race to anyone!  

I think last time I updated I introduced you to Fit Friends, the summer camp I am collaborating with JSU to organize for adults with intellectual disabilities. Word is getting around, and everyone seems to be enthusiastic about the idea! I cannot believe how quickly this thing has taken off! I also can't believe how much work goes into organizing something like this. I have met with several people and a couple of different agencies in the area, and I feel like I have absolutely NO idea what I am doing. I tell them my ideas, give them our pamphlet, talk about the work we have already put in, and then I am overloaded with a hundred thousand questions that I don't know how to answer.

"What are your plans for liability? Who will be responsible if someone is injured?"

"Where is a copy of your budget?"

"How will you organize transportation?"

"Do you think relying on volunteers is a good idea? What if one of them has a bad experience and leaves in the middle of camp?"

These questions bounce around in my head throughout the night. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I think it is because I am terrified this thing won't work out. The only thing I can do is give it to God. I can tell by the response of the community that Fit Friends is going to be welcomed, so I am trying my best to sift past the doubt and focus on the end result. This is going to happen, and it will be a positive addition to our community. 

What's that saying about eating an elephant? One bite at a time, or something? Everyone knows I am the biggest binge eater that ever lived. I prefer to eat everything in one quick, messy sitting (if I even make it to the table). I'm ready to get the ball rolling! 

Two different people this month have asked me how to get/stay healthy with a busy schedule. I'm not quite sure my response was what they were looking for, or rather, what they wanted to hear. In a nutshell, suck it up, buttercup. I mean that in the nicest way possible, really. Life and health should never be a balancing act. It is the most important commitment you will every make, and your health HAS to be a priority in your life. Simple as that. Sacrifices have to be made if you want to see results. The first piece of advice I give every single person that asks me about my transformation is "you will lose weight when you are really and truly ready".

 If you aren't serious about it and completely willing to surrender to the lifestyle changes you have to make to be healthy, then it isn't going to happen. Yo-yo diets, pills, and Pinterest workouts (I love them too, trust) aren't going to give you lasting results. You need to be prepared to change aspect of your life. 

I began my fitness journey in college. Between morning practicums, afternoon classes, and endless nights of lesson planning, I managed to squeeze in a 45 minute exercise class everyday. Now, my day begins at 5 a.m. and doesn't end until usually 7 or 8 p.m. That's not including the grad school work I have once I finally get home. Five or six days a week, I make time for an hour long Crossfit class or an hour or so of running. I'm a freak of nature, I get that. Most people don't want to occupy every single second of their day with something. 

Do what works for you. Find the time to make it happen. You won't regret it and you won't be disappointed. 

Tips for finding time to be healthy:

1. Plan and prepare meals on the weekend. Make a menu and grocery list on Saturday and go shopping. Spend an hour or two on Sunday preparing your lunches and making dinners that you can store in the freezer for the week ahead. 

2. Wake up early and knock it out! I am a morning person, so it's easy for me to say. For those of you that dread waking up, try going to bed earlier. It takes a couple of weeks to acclimate your body to waking up early, and it takes LOTS of motivational pep talks to convince yourself to workout immediately after rolling out of the bed, but the results are SO worth it! Morning workouts boost your metabolism so you burn more fat throughout the day, long after you have completed your workout! Set your phone or alarm clock across the room so you won't be tempted to hit snooze. 

3. Watch your "stories" while you workout! We all have our favorite television programs. Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, The Following, and The Biggest Loser are just a few of my faves. When do I catch up on them? While I'm on the treadmill! Time flies when you are wrapped up in a show. Just last week, I was four miles into a run and sobbing through an episode of Biggest Loser. I think I worked MORE muscles crying while running. If you don't have a treadmill, write your workout down and push that coffee table against the wall. Workout in front of the t.v.! 

4. Join a fitness class. Feeling accountable is incredibly motivating! Fitness classes have a social aspect to them. You are more inclined to go if you feel like your friends will ask about you when you aren't there. I always wonder what my Crossfit friends are doing or talking about when I'm not in class. If I have something important to tell one of them, I can't get there fast enough. My coach always asks if my mouth is warmed up yet because I spend the first 20 minutes yapping away. The workout seems much less taxing when you have friends to cut up with throughout it.

Here are some yummy things that I have made recently that can easily be frozen and eaten throughout the week:

Butternut Squash and Black Bean Enchiladas

These are healthy, filling, and SO yummy! I made them with green enchilada sauce, but either one works! 

Savory Bean and Spinach Soup

I love to make a batch of soup for dinner and take the leftovers for lunch! 

Chickpea Salad

I have been devouring this for lunch lately! I make a big batch of it at the beginning of each week. I eat it alone, and sometimes I top a spinach salad with a smaller portion of it. 

Keep this in mind this week! Change is possible if you are willing to make it happen! 

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Life Portion Control

Blakely asks me all the time what I have against free time. My schedule stays packed but I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess I'm like a recovering addict, only food is my drug. If I can keep my mind and body occupied, there is very little time to think about the thousands of cupcakes and Swiss Rolls in the world that need to be eaten. I am a teacher which means I am working at the school from 6:40 a.m. -4 or 5 p.m. everyday. The computer at school clocks me out at 3:15 everyday, but my duties extend far beyond that. After I leave school, I alternate my days between running and Crossfit. Both activities take up at least an hour to an hour and a half of my day, so I don't get home until 6:30 or 7 p.m. My weekends usually consist of something school related too. To add to all of that, I started grad school again. I have two online classes this semester and TONS of work to keep be busy.

Lately, I have felt like I am not on the right path in regards to my career. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job, and my kids are my motivation for all that I do in this world. I would be completely lost without hearing their sweet voices or getting the thousands of hugs they give me everyday. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to teach special education, but my passions and goals have changed over the past few years now that I have lost the weight. I tell people that in my next life, I want to be a personal trainer. There is nothing more rewarding than helping people set and shatter goals, and this is definitely applicable to my current job. My friends never stop amazing me with all they are able to do. I stopped having expectations because they are constantly exceeding them and surprising my with all they are capable of learning. So how can I combine my passions so that I will feel like I am serving my purpose in this world?

This idea came to me while I was cooking dinner a few weeks ago. Please do not mistake my confidence for arrogance, but it is a phenomenal idea that was too good to brush off. It was a sense of "this is what I want to do when I grow up!", so I knew I had to act on it.

***Drum roll please....***

Fit Friends! Fit Friends is a summer program for adolescents and young adults with disabilities that promotes healthy living and exposes participants to a variety of exercises. The "friends" aspect of the program is that "typical"volunteers will attend the camp and be responsible for devoting one day a week to participating in some form of physical activity with their buddy. This will promote social skills development and hold participants accountable for maintaining an exercise regiment after the camp has ended. I want to have cooking classes where campers and their friends use visual cookbooks to practice preparing simple, healthy meals. I'd like to teach them how to grocery shop for healthy food options and eat a well portioned meal. Campers would attend group fitness classes like Zumba, water aerobics, biking, yoga, etc. in the attempt to discover a talent or passion they never knew they had. Special educators focus so much on preparing their students for adulthood by teaching work skills and independent living skills. Sometimes it seems like health (which is one of the most important aspects of living a successful life) is thrown to the wayside.

Anyone can tell you that I am not one to let things go. I had no clue as to what I needed to do to make this crazy idea become a reality. I began emailing all of my co-workers and friends that I thought would be able to help me. After several emails and phone calls, one of my old professors at JSU said that she love the idea and wanted to help! She came to my school during my planning, and we began to discuss logistics. As it stands, we are hoping to begin Fit Friends this summer at JSU. I am trying so desperately not to get my hopes up too soon. We have a long road ahead of us. We are working on finding fitness instructors that will commit to teaching at the camp. We have to email JSU to see what the process is for applying for housing during the week we would like to host the event. There are so many things to do that I don't even know where to begin. We can add all of this to the chaotic mess of things I already have to do this semester, but I'm not worried. In fact, I feel an overwhelming sense of ease because for the first time in a very long time, I feel passionate about something again.

I ran seven miles with Rachel this morning. I went to bed dreading it, but it was an absolutely beautiful run. I feel refreshed, motivated, and thrilled to have such a big goal again. My dad told me that I need to learn life portion control. He could not be more right, but I enjoy the hustle and bustle of my crazy life. Never a dull moment here!

Curve balls

It seems as though time moves faster nowadays. I cannot believe today is the last day of 2013. Christmas has come and gone, finally. Was your holiday full of cakes, candy, and very little exercise? It's okay... Mine too. December, with the exception of Christmas morning, is my least favorite month of the year. I am incapable of saying no to sweets, and God knows they are everywhere, so like the rest of the country, my pants are fitting a tad tighter. We can wallow in it, which will only force us to turn to stress eating and cause more damage, or we can accept it and move on from it. I choose the latter.

 

This year was huge for me. I completed my first half marathon, traveled all over the place, began graduate school, and discovered Crossfit (yes, this is a milestone). I learned a great deal about who I am, what I am doing, and the next steps I want to take in my life. If you ask anyone that really knows me, they would probably describe me as ambitious or determined. I dream big and work hard to accomplish what I set my heart on doing. I'm not one to second guess my decisions or my goals, but it seemed like this year was full of doubt. I don't mean it in a negative way; 2013 was a fantastic year for me. With all of the opportunities I was so fortunate to experience, I learned a lot about who I am now, in this moment, as opposed to who I thought I would be at this point in my life. My mindset was stuck in 2006 when I wanted so desperately to graduate, teach, and settle down with a husband and shoot out babies left and right. It wasn't until this year that I realized my life was not going in that direction at all. At first, it terrified me. I was paralyzed with fear because I felt like I had no control of what was happening around me. I have an impeccable sense of direction, both literally and figuratively. I was always confident and excited about the direction my life was taking because I was steering the ship. Several curve balls were thrown my way this year that taught me an invaluable lesson, one that I am surely the last person on this planet to realize: things don't always go according to plan. 

I guess it began in March. I went to L.A. and spent a good bit of time on my own with new surroundings. I had the opportunity to do a lot of soul searching. I loved the busy feeling of the city and the sense that I was among thousands of people with dreams just as big as mine. I felt so empowered in California, and if you recall my post-Cali update, I had a hard time transitioning back to the real world. I joke with my friends from Georgia when they ask me about living in Alabama. "Time moves a little slower in my neck of the woods". I kid, but after being away from this place so much this year, I find a great deal of truth in it. This realization was profound. Did I feel restricted by this place? Am I capable of being successful here, or will I be suppressed by the stereotypes of being a young, southern woman? I began questioning every single life decision I had made prior to that point. 

The next "ah-ha" moment came in April. Blakely was finishing up his practicum semester, his first real taste of the responsibilities of teaching. Much to my surprise at the time (not so much anymore now that I have had the time to really reflect on it), Blakely realized that he didn't want to teach. I was shocked and at the time, disappointed even. For as long as Blakely and I had been together, all I have known was that we would both be teachers. We built our dreams around the idea. It was the foundation for our future, and here we were, the semester before he was set to graduate without a clue as to what our next steps would be. I felt like the steamroller that is my life had completely derailed. It sounds dramatic now, but like I said before, I like being in control. Blakely was 18 when we started dating. I had a year and a half of college under my belt and four years of terrible decisions in high school to teach me the many life lessons that dictated who I was when I began dating him. Had I given Blakely enough time to learn who he was as an individual, or did I force him down a path he was never meant to be on in the first place? All of the sudden, I had no idea what our relationship was based on. I was absolutely sure of two things:  I loved Blakely more than anything, but I am not the type of woman that would let another person's problems interfere with my goals. 

After two solid weeks of crying and hundreds of spoonfuls of Nutella, I came to the most important conclusion of my whole life: the world does not revolve around me. Yes, my goals are important, but after six years with the same person, I finally learned that one partner's aspirations cannot outweigh the other. I took a leap of faith and decided to let life happen. We didn't have a plan, and we are still working on one. Rather than allowing myself to feel helpless, I found comfort and excitement in the unknown. This is our chance to have new experiences together. We might fall flat on our face, or we might make tons of money with one of the ridiculous inventions we come up with together. I don't know. I don't care. I am appreciative of the gift of time we've been given. I always pictured myself with tons of kids by the time I was 25. Here I am at 26 with an adorable dog, a degree and a half, and not the slightest clue of what will come next. 

It's thrilling. I truly feel 18 again. A lot of learning and maturing took place this year. Typically, my New Years resolutions are related to moving the numbers on a scale or promising to stick to a diet I know I'll never abide by. I want 2014 to be a year of healthy living, physically and mentally. My resolution is to stop letting a number dictate my happiness. I want to appreciate how far I have come in my journey toward a healthier life and accept new challenges in the upcoming year. This blog has always been about physical health, but maybe I need to throw a few more mental health posts in the mix. After all, mental health is the foundation for physical health. 

Let's make 2014 count, folks. 

Raising the bar for curvy women

I stumbled across an online interview with Megan Fox the other day that highlighted a quote about how much she "loves her curves". I skimmed the interview and the photos attached, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Megan Fox is in no way, shape, or form a curvy woman. In fact, Megan Fox could afford to eat a biscuit or two, smothered in gravy and deep friend. Even then, Megan Fox would not possibly qualify as a "curvy" woman. This led me to question society's definition of curvy women. If Megan Fox is considered curvy, I am undoubtably obese by these standards.
I consider myself to be curvy. I have child-bearing hips, thighs that rub together, and a big (and if I might add, phenomenal) butt. If you ran your hands down my sides, you would feel my mounds of muffin top. My size 12 skinny jeans don't hide a single curve, and I wear them proudly. I've earned the title curvy. Megan Fox, by claiming to be a curvy woman, has once again raised the bar to an unattainable level for women. I literally worked my tail off to accomplish curvy, so I am a little offended by Megan Fox claiming this.

Curvy

Definitely not curvy! 

I am a loyal Pinterest-er. My favorite section is Health & Fitness, but I find my image of the ideal woman becoming skewed by it. I never wanted to be muscular when I began my weight loss journey. My only goal for a long time was to get under 200 pounds, and then I was able to set more specific goals from there. It seems like every pin in the Health & Fitness section is a woman with washboard abs or a perfectly toned and perky butt telling me that I can look like that if I commit to whatever ridiculous workout they're advertising. Of course I want to look like those women! They're undeniably sexy, but how realistic is it for me to accomplish that?! Pinterest is plagued with tons of graphics telling readers to "eat clean and train mean" or "train insane or remain the same". As catchy as those sayings are, I find them to be the opposite of motivating. You don't have to be crazy about fitness or commit to a completely unrealistic lifestyle to be healthy. Healthy living is about moderation and doing what's best for you and your body.
Personally, I'm not willing to entirely give up the foods that I love to look like the women I see in movies and in magazines. There's no denying that I put the wrong things in my body from time to time. My mindset really changed this weekend during my race. All I could think for the last few miles was how amazing it was that I was still going after not eating clean all week. I eat candy, I love french fries, and I can run a half marathon faster than most men I know. My BMI is in the perfect range, and I wear the pants size of the average American woman. Tell me I'm not healthy!
Here is a link to an article I found about women who do Crossfit learning to embrace their bodies. It was so refreshing! Most women that Crossfit stop worrying about the number on the scale or how many calories are in each and every bite they consume because Crossfit is all about strength and improving your level of fitness. It was a great read!

5 Ways Crossfit Helps You Embrace Your Shape

This is not me. I found it on a blog last week and I absolutely fell in love with it. I can't tell you how many people, women and men, pass me during my races that are much bigger than me! 

My goal right now is to live an active lifestyle and learn to accept my body for what it is. I also want to be thankful for all it has already accomplished. Curves, rolls, cellulite, and all- I love every flabby bit of it. I'm going to stay away from Pinterest for a while because I'm tired of feeling like all the hard work I've put into my weight loss is meaningless. I'm also going to stay away from all things Megan Fox because she is ignorant.

On a lighter note...
It's the most wonderfully fat and unhealthy time of the year! It's my favorite time of year because like most Americans, I spend the holiday season gorging on candies, pies, and all things terrible. I will more than likely spend the entire month of January regretfully shaming myself for my poor decisions. For some reason though, I feel like this year will be different. Many of my previous posts have been about how I have been working through accepting my body, regardless of it's flaws. I'm learning to live with who I am and part of that is learning to be realistic with my eating and exercise habits.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving- a day devoted to celebrating family and the things we care about most. I could spend my time focusing on the bad decisions I'm going to make, but I much rather center my attention around the memories I'll be making with Blakely's family. I have 363 days in the year to think about the consequences of my unhealthy actions (I am subtracting one for the beast feast that will occur on Christmas Eve). I also have 363 days to make up for them. So tomorrow, eat pie, drown your plate in gravy, and help yourself to a second plate. You have the rest of the year to work it off!

Don't ever forget it! 

Magic City Half

What a week it has been! Let's rewind to last Saturday. I spent the day laying on the couch with my best friend catching up on all of the t.v. shows we missed throughout the week. It was a perfectly lazy day, in fact, I don't think I did a single healthy thing last Saturday. For no good reason at all, I decided I would practice my handstands in Nanci's living room. Nanci is my friend that brings out the childish, immature side of me. When we are together, trouble always follows.
Nanci is a cheer coach. I figured maybe she could give me some pointers since we've been doing handstands more frequently at Crossfit. We practiced all day with only minor injuries. I horse kicked her in the eye but no bruising or major damage. Later that night, CJ stopped by to work on planning Lauralee's bachelorette party. CJ is a fellow Crossfitter from another gym, so I wanted to show off my new skills. I still need someone to hold my feet while I practice them. CJ spotted me and gave me a couple of pointers. By this point, my arms were tired and shaky. I told CJ to let go of my legs so I could rest for a second.
Homegirl just wouldn't listen! I told her again to put me down, and before I knew it, my arms buckled underneath me and my forty-something inch legs came crashing down onto Nanci. I knew immediately something wasn't okay with my arm. I was 99% sure I dislocated my shoulder. I was laughing...and crying...and freaking out because I was in a lot of pain, but I couldn't really measure the severity of it because it all happened so quickly. Usually I can withstand a fair amount of pain. Not this time!
I was going to brush it off and see how it felt in a couple of days. I knew my race was coming up the following weekend but I didn't think a shoulder injury would prevent me from training in the days ahead. I took Nanci to get some food, and as I reached for the bag from the cashier, my arm pretty much gave out. It began shooting pain from my neck, down my arm, and into my fingers. We went to an after hours doctor across the street from her apartment. We explained the situation to the nurses, and they were shocked when we told them no alcohol was involved. Like I said, when Nanci and I are together, trouble always follows. The doctor told me the x-ray looked good. If it was dislocated, it wasn't by the time we got to the doctor's office. He began wiggling it and poking it in all the worst places and concluded that I had strained my rotator cuff. He wrote me a prescription for a sling (which was cheaper OTC) and Lexapro.  The next couple of days were miserable. It's incredibly difficult to teach special ed. with your arm in a sling! Some of my kids are aggressive and some like to run away, so I really had to work to immobilize it. I kicked the sling to the curb on Wednesday. It just wasn't working out. I wasn't sleeping because it was the shoulder I like to sleep on which was causing me to be a MAJOR grouch. My shoulder is back to 100% now... I think.
Fortunately for me, I was able to keep it steady while I ran.

Fast forward to this weekend! Blakely's amazingly wonderful parents bought us tickets to the Alabama vs. UTC game! It was my first AL football game, so I was super stoked! Blakely and I woke up at 6 to leave by 8 in order to meet his parents in Tuscaloosa by eleven.
Poor Blakely, he's so not a morning person.
It was rainy and windy when I walked Marley Saturday morning. I knew it was going to be a loooong and freezing cold game, so I dressed and packed accordingly. Marching band taught me to always travel with spare underwear, pants, and socks in case it rains! The rain let up by the time we got there, thank God! It was a breezy 46 degrees and dropping during the first quarter. By the end of the game, I had no feeling in my toes. My face was numb, and I looked like the Marshmallow man from Ghost Busters I had on so many layers. I don't do cold weather well...
We won, of course! We met his little brother for dinner at Olive Garden. It was perfect since I needed to load up on some carbs before the big race! We had a fantastic time, despite the bitter weather!

Crazy kid forgot his jacket! 

We got back from the game around 9:30. I wasn't expecting to get much sleep last night; I never really do when I have a race the next day. To my pleasant surprise, I passed out immediately upon arrival. However, I woke up several times during the night to check the time. I overslept my first half and didn't want to do it again. I'm the bitteriest Betty when I am late.
I knew it was supposed to be cold today. All I could do was pray that it was only cold and not windy like the day before. The wind was mild, but the temperature was agonizing. Within the first 5 minutes of being outside, I lost feeling in my nose. I only knew that I was snotting all over myself when it would roll down onto my lips (gross I know; no shame).
We arrived in Birmingham right on time and picked up my packet. The Magic City Half is a race that benefits Ruben Studdard's charity for music education. This is the first race I've been a part of where the money goes to a charity I am passionate about. If you know me, music was always a big part of my life! I heard through the grapevine that he was running in the 5k, fresh off his Biggest Loser season! I am a loyal BL fan and have been following his progress all season!
My goals for this race were to:
1. Meet Ruben Studdard
2. Make him horribly uncomfortable so he would remember meeting me!

I got my packet and headed for the bathrooms. Blakely waited around in the lobby where it was warm for me to get done. He sent me a text telling me that Ruben had arrived, so I hauled tail to be the first in line for a picture! He looks fantastic! I would have never guessed he weighed over 400 pounds a few short months ago. I felt really bad asking to take his picture before the race because if he's anything like me, the minutes before the gun fires are spent mentally preparing myself for what's to come. He was only doing the 5k and other people were lining up, so I didn't feel so bad. I opted out of making him uncomfortable. I really couldn't think of anything awkward enough to say on the fly! I thought I had the whole race to prepare something vulgar enough to leave a lasting impression, but I failed!
He seemed aggravated by all of the attention, but as Blakely so loudly stated... "This is your thing, dude". He was the one sponsoring the run. His name is even on the freaking shirt!

THE MAN!

Shortly after this picture was taken, Blakely and I headed to the starting line! The race was supposed to kick off at 8 but didn't start until at least 8:10. We were all a little angry considering it was 30 degrees and windy. I jumped, I jogged, I did everything in my power to warm myself up a little before we started but it was no good. From the moment the gun sounded until the very end of the race, I poured snot. My undershirt became my handkerchief. I hope I'm not the only runner that experiences this! 

I started off entirely too fast! I really didn't set a goal time for this race. I typically aim for 2 hours or less. I joined the 2 hour pace group and decided that I would stick with them as best I could. In the first mile, I passed them with an 8 minute pace. I tried to slow down, but running in the cold is deceptive! I haven't trained in this cold of weather. It throws me off when I'm not sweating and my muscles aren't on fire. I felt surprisingly comfortable at that pace but knew it would not end well if I didn't slow down. 

The next 7 miles were all under 9 minutes! I couldn't believe it considering my norm is around 9:20. At mile 7, I sucked down one of the goo packets they were handing out. I wasn't exhausted, just wanted to see if it would give me a boost. I had two because they were passing them out at each water station. The first one I opened was apple cinnamon. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted and the consistency was thick like Vasoline, so I chucked it. I opened the berry flavored pack, which was much better. I still didn't make it through the whole packet but I could tell I had a little more pep in my step after downing half of it. 

For some reason in the middle of the race, I began crying- not out of pain or exhaustion. My head filled with thoughts of how my life used to be, how four years ago, I would never have dreamed of running a half marathon. It's overwhelming sometimes to think of all I have accomplished in these past few years. I'm proud, but I'm also humbled. I have a great deal of supporters that were so kind of blow up my phone and Run Meter with words of encouragement. Any time I felt tired, I thought of them and why I started in the first place. I want to prove to my loved ones that change is possible. I know you've heard it a million times from a million different people, but seriously... if I can do it, anyone can do it. 

At mile 8, the stitch in my knee began acting up! I had a lot of knee problems when I was overweight. They seemed to disappear when I dropped the excess baggage but occasionally creep up on me when I least expect it. It was painful but not enough to stop, initially. Somewhere around mile 11, the pain became increasingly bad. I had to slow down a good bit. I couldn't get the pain out of my head. It was scary! I didn't want to stop for anything. After several motivational talks with myself, I decided to slow down until mile 13 and bust it out for the last leg of the race. My mile times for miles 11 and 12 were just over 9 minutes. I shouldn't complain because those are fantastic for me considering I NEVER run at that pace. 

Mile 11 was the first and only hill of the entire race. I hate when they do that! It wasn't the worst, but after completing 11 miles, the last thing in the world I want to do is run uphill. It was only a few more twists and turns before I saw the flashing lights and heard the roar of the crowd ahead. I picked up the pace and sprinted to the finish line. I think I sprinted... maybe something like a sprint. It was definitely the fastest I was physically able to run. 

I finished in 1 hour 58 minutes! Just shy of two hours, which was my goal time! 

I was so relieved to see Blakely. Even though two hours had passed, it seemed like forever since I had any human interaction. I got my medal and banana and we headed for the car. I figured I didn't place and even if I did, they'd mail me the medal. All I wanted to do was shove my fat face! 

After gorging on Moe's and my first soda in months, we headed back to Oxford. I couldn't believe how tired I felt. I slept a good portion of the way home. My plans for the rest of the day include laying around and binge watching Dexter on Netflix with Blakely. It's been so wonderful having him around this weekend. His support is overwhelming. For someone that despises all things healthy, he never fails to show his support for me. I always feel guilty for asking him to come to these things, especially when it's freezing outside, but he never complains. Even when his teeth chatter and his nose runs endlessly, he tells me how proud of me he is. Everyone needs a Blakely.

It was a fabulous race. Even though I felt somewhat unprepared, I surprised myself! 

Best of luck to you this week on your journey toward a happier and healthier life! 

My plans include lots of rest and recovery... maybe a little Crossfit! 

I didn't even know I was sweating during the race until I took my jacket off! My undershirts were drenched!