Saturday, February 7, 2015

You know when your mom has a stroke and you get peed on at work?

 Last Friday was one of the most difficult days I've had as a teacher, and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with my job. Thursday evening, Rachel and I set out on a 5 mile run around town before having to attend a school function. I was determined to get those miles in to prove to myself that I could. Running has not been my favorite activity over the past few months. For some reason, I was really motivated on this day to complete 5 miles. Exactly 4.47 miles into my run, I get a call from my dad. I answered through my headphones and could immediately tell from his tone that something was wrong.
When I told him I was running, he said to call him after my run. I knew it couldn't wait so I demanded he tell me then. He informed me that my mother had another stroke and was in the hospital. I came to a dead halt on the side of Hwy. 78, which is not the safest place to be running in the first place. It seems like my mother's bad luck comes in two's. Breast cancer twice, now two strokes? It's crazy.
I told him that I would come to Georgia that night but he told me to wait because she was in the neuro-ICU and I couldn't see her.
Fast forward to Friday. I spent the entire day at school but can't tell you one single thing that happened on that day because I was so focused on what was going on at home. My dad isn't one to ask for help, so even if it was really bad, he wouldn't have told me. I decided to leave work early and head that way to make sure everything was okay. When I arrived, mom was in good spirits. She was unable to move her left leg and had no feeling in it at all. On top of everything that was going on, my dad had to fly to Chicago for business Monday and wouldn't be back until Thursday night. He tried to get out of the trip but couldn't. We discussed how we would manage and decided that I would take the week off to help with my mom. As much as I trust my brothers, I wasn't going to leave them to take care of everything.
Can we please talk about how much I despise being an adult?! I am too young to discuss living wills and whether or not my mother wants to be supported by machines should anything drastic happen.
The whole ordeal was a huge reality check for me, and I did what I always do, and turned to food for comfort.
If I still lived in Woodstock, I would without a doubt still weigh 285+ pounds. I spent all day Sunday back in Alabama meal prepping so I wouldn't have to worry about finding healthy/Paleo options at the hospital cafeteria. I went back to Georgia early Monday morning to take over mommy duty for the week while my dad was in Chicago. Regardless of my efforts, I found myself diving face first into a Moe's burrito immediately upon arrival. I usually get a kid's meal there because their portions are so insane. I am ashamed to say that I conquered an entire regular burrito without any trouble at all, plus the bag full of tortilla chips they give you on the side.
I ended every night at home with a bowl of ice cream, and at one point, I found myself smearing chunky peanut butter on expired sugar cookies, simply because I could. Yep. I am a PRO when it comes to binge eating. In my defense, I was stressed, exhausted, and terrified. Thinking about all that my mother had been through was overwhelming, and not known whether or not she would regain mobility in her leg was scary. It would cause so much stress on my already over-stressed dad, and no offense to my mother, but she is a high maintenance woman. It would be a difficult change for everyone.
I emailed a few Crossfit boxes to see about their drop-in fees. I thought working out would take my mind off everything that was going on, even if it was only for an hour each day. I wasn't willing to pay these gyms $20-$30 bucks to exercise when I have two perfectly capable legs that could run fo' free. I ran twice while I was at home, and both runs were extremely difficult. I was gorging on everything in sight, and my parents live in a very hilly area. I am not used to running hills and forgot how awful it is. My calves, hamstrings, and quads have been sore for three days straight. Regardless of how miserable my runs were, it was nice to be outside, to be alone, and to have the chance to clear my mind. That's what I've missed most about running.

After 5 days in the hospital, my mom was released to a rehabilitation center where she is getting a few hours of physical therapy everyday. She is slowly regaining movement and feeling in her leg. The doctors don't think her paralysis is permanent, which is incredibly relieving. She is not thrilled about being in a rehabilitation center for the next few weeks, mostly because she doesn't have unlimited access to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She is also surrounded by very old, very sick people. She is easily the youngest person at the center. A lot of the people around her are obviously suffering from dementia, which is very depressing. She has mostly sweet nurses and therapists that sneak her ice cream from time to time, so I guess things could be a lot worse.

I have been home for two days now. I even went back to work yesterday, mostly just to see my kids and hug them all day to make up for the time I missed with them. My co-workers have been incredibly kind to call and text just to check in on my mom and to see how I was holding up. I can't tell you how blessed I am to be surrounded by such caring people. I don't exactly have the easiest job in the world. It's such a relief knowing that my co-workers can take over without putting any additional stress on me. When I told my aide that I had lesson plans for the week, she replied with "You don't have to do that! We've got this!" They are so amazing!

I am back to eating strict Paleo and working out. My body is thrilled. Since Thursday, I have been craving giant, leafy salads like crazy. It's like my body was going through vegetable withdrawals. I am not going to beat myself up for eating like a monster this past week. I don't have the time nor the energy to waste worrying about it. I am back on track and that's all that matters.

To everyone that called, sent a text, or even said a prayer for my family last week, thank you! I feel like I did a lot of growing up over the past 5 days. It's been rough, but I could not have done it alone. The support of my family, friends, and co-workers kept me going. Thank you.