Saturday, October 19, 2013

Binge eating and boobs

Before fall break, I really felt like I was getting back on track. I was eating on a schedule, smaller portions, and I was showing a lot of self-control when it came to eating sweets. Like I said, that was before fall break. Fall break hit and was much, MUCH needed! I could tell my poor friends were exhausted at school and they were probably tired of seeing my face, so I hope they are well rested and ready to see me again because I have talked about them NONSTOP! I must secretly miss their sweet faces.
My intentions were to visit my grandparents over the break in North Carolina, maybe do some shopping, but mostly I wanted to rest. You'd think spending four days with folks in their 70's would consist of a lot of downtime, but I was horribly mistaken. My grandmother and I shopped and ran errands everyday. I ran 6 miles one day and wanted to try their local Crossfit, but there was no way I was paying $25 for ONE workout. Child, please.
I have a horrible tendency to splurge on days when I feel like I've really accomplished a lot in a workout. For some odd reason, my fat mind told my body that running 6 miles made me worthy of eating everything in sight. The wonderful thing about Shelby, the town where my family lives, is that it is full of whole-in-the-wall, family owned restaurants. We're talkin' country cookin', the good stuff. Shelby Cafe has to be my favorite. I thought I was being smart by ordering the baked chicken, but little did I know my plate would come smothered in gravy, GRAVY Y'ALL. I don't think I've had gravy in two years before this week. It was heavenly and ignited a fat fire within me that told me to just...keep...eating. The only thing even a tad healthy on the entire menu were green beans that were of course boiled with bacon and ham. Although I knew my body would protest the gravy and meat-soaked beans, I ate like I would never eat again. It was the most delicious food I've ever tasted. I left feeling as though I had just eaten Thanksgiving dinner. Then I ate key lime pie and probably a hand full of Reese's Pieces or something equally terrible for me.
My grandmother and I joke all the time about our sweet tooth. She is the only woman I know that can understand the constant urge to face plant into a pool of Nutella. I remember being so young and watching her drink (yes, drink) an entire cup of M&Ms. Lucky for her, she is 100 pounds at the most. If I weighed that much, you bet I would devour sweets the way she does. I think I gain her weight too when we go on our not so little sweet binges.
It is what it is. I am coming to terms with the fact that we all make mistakes. It's unrealistic for me to have the expectation that I'm going to eat completely clean all the time.

The last night I was there, my aunt and uncle took us to an Italian restaurant across town. We were just finishing out salads when I looked up at my grandpa who was leaning against the wall holding his chest. His color was pale, and he looked very clammy. I asked several times if he was alright, but he just couldn't say anything. My grandpa has Alzheimer's but he has never had heart problems. I immediately called 911 and went to every single table in the restaurant asking for Aspirin. People crack me up. At least five of the tables I went to said something like "we don't have Aspirin, but I have Tylenol". I'm not asking because I have intense period cramps, crazy, my grandpa is CLEARLY having a heart attack! One family immediately stopped eating and began praying for him. It was sweet and comforting, but I have never been more scared in my life. The EMTs came and took him out on a stretcher. I knew he was feeling bad since he so willingly left with them. Normally, he would fight and refuse anything like that. It ended up not being a heart attack. In fact, the doctors weren't sure of what cause his chest pain. His Alzheimer's is much worse at night and when he is outside of his normal environment. He spent the night in the hospital telling us that he was leaving as soon as the doctors came in to check on him. When he wasn't arguing, he was asking where he was. I'm convinced that Alzheimer's is the worst disease of all time, and lucky for me, it runs in the family. Put me down Old Yeller style because I refuse to live a life where I can't remember the people I love or the memories I've spent a lifetime making. It's just cruel and terrifying to watch.
He's home now and resting, so hopefully his health will continue to improve.
 I came back from NC and immediately went to Crossfit. I felt jiggly and bloated, but I am back on track now. That's really all you can do. Accept your mistakes and move on. Yesterday I met up with Rachel for what was supposed to be a 12 mile run. I was sore form CF the day before, and I had just eaten a steak salad a few hours before the run. I don't know where my head was eating such a filling meal KNOWING that I was doing a big run later that night. It wasn't a pretty run either. Around mile 4, I could feel the steak inching its way up my throat. It was all I could do to keep it down. At mile 9, Rachel and I decided to only do ten since her half marathon is Sunday and her ankle was sore. I was relieved. My knees have been bothering me since I have been increasing my mileage, so I didn't protest her decision at all. At 9.75 miles, I began to feel the most dreaded feeling that every runner fears the most... my toenail was pulling back. I felt it start to come up a little while I was running in NC. Much like a loose tooth, a toenail can wiggle and take its sweet time pulling off. This was no joke. I laughed about it, but I finished the last quarter mile of the run doing a sort of hop-skip-gallop. It hasn't come completely off but it's only a matter of time.

Speaking of Rachel, she's crazy... in a good way. Rachel and I met in college when we were partnered for a project in some pointless class where were learned to speak in front of a crowd. If you need some motivation to get through just about anything, Rachel is a good friend to have on your side. Not only did she finish college while raising a child, she is the healthiest and most determined woman I've ever known. Rachel and I started running together in April of 2012. She was running a mile or so at a time, and I had just completed 4 miles. She decided to run a 5k in a week and just...did it! Very few people can increase their distance by 2 miles in a week. Two weeks ago, she texted me to tell me that she had signed up for her first half marathon. She is used to running distances but nothing like 13 miles! She had two weeks to prepare, so of course, she has been pounding the pavement like crazy. Her race is tomorrow and I cannot express how proud of her I am. She sets her mind on what she wants to do and never gives up on it. If only I had her drive and self-control... If only we all did! She's truly one of the most inspiring people you'll ever meet. So good luck, Rachel! I am cheering you on every step of the way from home!
Rachel and I completed ten miles for the first time since March last week.


As I am typing this, I'm laying on a heating pad because of my idiotic actions this morning at Crossfit. Today was the Barbells for Boobs WOD. All of the donations raised today were going to the Steel Magnolia support group for women battling breast cancer. If you don't know me, you don't realize how close to home this hits. My mother is a two time survivor of breast cancer. She was first diagnosed when I was in the fourth grade and again when I was a freshman in college. Today was important for me, so regardless of my dangling toenail and achy hamstrings, I showed up. It was really touching to see so many people donating and working out to honor those that are fighting the good fight, those that have beaten it, and the lives that were lost because of this terrible cancer thing. I really wanted to bust out a good time, which made me forget all proper form completely. Anthony, the trainer, always tells me "safety first", but I probably looked like a first timer today. My back is so sore. I've rolled it and now I'm glued to this heating pad. Hopefully, a day of rest is what I need.
I was telling Blakely last night how happy it makes me that I have found a family through Crossfit. People at my old gym kind of revolved around each other. There were a few small cliques, but you really didn't feel comfortable approaching a group or chiming in on a conversation. Crossfit is nothing like that. The people there, coaches and all, are warm and welcoming. We have such a great time and it really makes working out seem less daunting.
Here are some pictures from today. I didn't take them, so hopefully no one will mind me sharing.
Me and Katie post WOD. 

This is our group, well, a lot of us. 

That's all for now. I've got two days to complete the million and one things I put off doing the entire week of fall break. Keep fighting the good fight, friends!