Surely, you've set some resolutions for the new year, and if I had to guess, they are something like living a healthier life, losing weight, cutting back on your guilty pleasures, etc... This year is going to be different for me. Instead of setting health goals and making promises to myself that I probably won't keep, I am going to make an effort to be more appreciative of what I have done and what I have been given.
I'm sure I've blogged about my body image obsession before. When I was fat, life was simple. I ate what I wanted whenever I wanted because it didn't matter... I was already terribly unhealthy. Now that I am less fat, I am constantly aware of what I can so easily fall back into if I am not careful. Let's face it, once a big girl, always a big girl. I love to eat. My love for all things tasty causes me to feel guilty anytime I eat, even if I am eating healthy. Every bite I take, every snack, every meal is plagued with fear. I'm fearful of resorting back to my old lifestyle. My greatest fear in this world is letting myself down because I KNOW what I am capable of, and I know I have the ability to control myself, but I just can't shake the feeling of immense guilt.
The root of the problem was pointed out by my father a few months ago: the expectations I set for myself, for others, and for my life in general are unrealistically high, so I can never be fully satisfied. What a profound thought... my daddy is so smart. Don't get me wrong, setting goals and having high expectations for yourself and others are not bad qualities, at least they're not in my opinion. But my ridiculous expectations are blinding me of seeing how far I have truly come with my health and in other aspects of my life. I never feel satisfied with what I have accomplished because I have yet to reach whatever ridiculously high goal I have set for myself. Sadly, I really can't pinpoint what this unattainable goal is that is causing me to feel like this. I've done all I've set out to do and more. I live a comfortable life, I have an incredible supportive and loving boyfriend, I am living out my dream of teaching special ed., I've lost a ton of weight, I've traveled, and I am working toward my second degree. What else could I possibly ask for in this world? Knowing that I have such a beautiful and successful life, how could I possibly feel like there should be more to it?
With all of that being said, here it is, my resolution... I am going to appreciate what I have been given and all that I have accomplished. I am done with feeling like nothing I have is good enough because it absolutely is. I live a beautiful, successful, happy life, and I am going to soak it up for all it's worth. That doesn't mean I am not going to still work toward a healthier life. I think that appreciating what you've accomplished is part of that.
Whatever your resolutions are for the new year, always be mindful of your role in accomplishing them! Write them down and post them somewhere to avoid overlooking them as the year progresses. Best of luck to you in your journey toward living a happier and healthier life!
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