Ground Zero

I'm back, and I'm fat. I'm back to fat.

To update you on the happenings of my insanely insane life since August would take too much of your precious time. Just know that by the grace of God and with the help of a lot of fried food, I made it through my first semester of grad school with a 4.0 GPA.

Since my last post, I began my new job at CES. My new babies are the most incredible people I've ever know. Everyday I have the privilege of being their teacher and loving them for 8 solid hours. There are no words to describe how much I appreciate my job and the children I work with.  They are my most prized possession, my most cherished gift.

So, like I said, I'm back. As much as I'd love to tell you how good I've been about sticking to my healthy meals and strict exercise regiments, I cannot bring myself to lie. I have completely fallen off the bandwagon. It really started in November. I registered for a 9.6 mile trail run because I felt like I wasn't challenging myself enough. Instead of preparing for my run by fueling my body with healthy foods and lots of water, I panicked and began stress eating, which I am so awesome at doing.
The day of the race was cold, windy, and rainy. I had been running my usual 5-7 miles to prepare, but I couldn't find the motivation I needed to squeeze those last 2 miles out before my race. I was praying adrenaline would take over and give my that final boost to the finish line. WRONG.
The first 2.5 miles were rainy but across relatively flat terrain. I thought to myself that I could totally bust out this trail run, regardless of my lack of preparation leading up to it. Just before the third mile, I came across the hill of all hills. It was like a giant hill that consisted of rows of mini hills that zig-zagged to the top, and it was by far the most intimidating thing I've ever seen. I looked up and saw the experienced trail runners trucking along without hesitation. I told myself I would do what I could. I think I ran up the first three mini hills. My quads burned like the flames of hell and I started to feel the oatmeal I had eaten prior to the race creeping up my throat.
I was able to run the last hill that led to the most beautiful scenic overlook I've ever seen. I wanted to stop and admire the scenery and forget about all of the running nonsense, but I had to keep on keepin' on. My goal was to complete the race in under two hours. After the hell hills, it was was 3-4 miles of downhill running. I wish all running was downhill. Don't get me wrong, running downhill on a mountain with loose rocks and uneven terrain is terrifying, but it's such a rush because you can really let your body take over. I rolled my ankles at least 30 times.
The mile 7 was my mile. It was through the most beautiful wooded area, and the ground was relatively flat. I felt like Katniss Everdeen, for all you Hunger Gamers. It was probably the only leg of the race that I truly enjoyed because miles 8 until the end were a steady uphill climb that ended with my gagging across the finish line with a time of 1 hour and 57 minutes. Blakely and Nanci were cheering me on as a crept up the last hill. By the end, I was physically ill and pissed off at the world. I have never experienced such agony, and it infuriated my to know that I had paid money to put myself through such torture. My legs cramped, my stomach turned, and my arms and face were wind burned. For the next four hours I choked back vomit and soaked my aching body in the hottest bath ever taken. Even though it was the most grueling thing I've ever done, I can't say I walked away empty handed. I finished second in my age group, and I learned A LOT about myself and running in general.

Things I learned from my trail run:
1. Trail running and running are two totally different forms of physical activity. It requires much more strength to run trails than it does to run on a flat surface, and unfortunately, I learned it the hard way.
2. Adrenaline is not always reliable.
3. Running cannot be the only form of exercise you do. I have been really bad about relying on running for my only means of physical activity. Trail running works your arms, back, abs, and legs, so targeting those prior to my race would have probably helped a lot.

My next race is in February, and it's my biggest run yet... a HALF MARATHON! 13.1 miles through the dangerous streets of Birmingham. I feel completely unprepared and oh so terrified that I won't make it. I have to get myself back on track. The mere thought of the race sends chills down my spine and makes me want to scoop Nutella by the spoonful savagely into my mouth.
I'm trying so desperately to find self-control and willpower again. No more stress eating, no more excuses. The holidays are officially over and I am more than ready to rededicated myself to healthy living. If you are looking for a starting point, let's do it together. I feel like I am back at ground zero. It's going to be a long, ugly fight back to the top, but I know what I'm capable of. I have pushed myself far beyond anything I ever thought possible, so this I'm turning this set back into a come back.

Remember this: The motivation you are looking for comes from within. No outside forces going to make the changes for you. It's not going to be easy, and it's never going to feel comfortable, but nothing is impossible.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
-Thomas Edison