Once Upon a Fat Time: It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me!

Please let me begin my blog by explaining my use of the term "fat". Much like most people, I was raised knowing that the word fat was a derogatory and offensive word that was used for overweight people. I'm not saying that it's still not used in that context. I use fat to describe a state of mind.
"I was so fat today." Obviously, I didn't weigh a great deal more all of the sudden. I probably gorged myself on chocolate covered peanuts or tortilla chips (two of my favorite fat foods). I apologize if anyone is too sensitive to try to understand what I am saying, but I'm sorry I'm not sorry for using the word. Fat, as in can't pull your pants over your stomach because it is so big, I've been there and done that. I've earned the right to use the word as often as I'd like because I absolutely know what it means to be fat.

Whew! Many of my friends from high school and people that I work with have asked me what I've done to lose weight. Over the past three years, I have shed 117 pounds without serious dieting, purging, or starving myself.

Before:

This is the fattest picture I have ever seen of me. I used to adore that dress. It was my not so "little black dress" at that point in my life. This picture was taken at a friends wedding in summer of 2007. Now, I am 5'11, so when I tell people that my weight was 285 at the heaviest point in my life, they look completely stunned. Personally, I am stunned that they're stunned. It has always been completely apparent to me that I weighed that much because I could feel it with every step and breath I took at that point. Even looking at this picture makes me want to drop what I am doing and run.

I have been overweight my entire life. I was destined to be heavy because the majority of my family is overweight. Exercise and careful eating were never encouraged in my home. For as long as I can remember, I have been involved in sports. You name it, I've played it. But seasonal sports and marching band are not adequate means of exercise for someone that was as heavy as me. It also didn't help that my family ate out almost every night. Was I insecure? Absolutely. I hated the way I looked and nothing anyone said would have ever changed that. Hating your appearance and hating yourself are two completely different ideas. Regardless of my size, I absolutely loved being me. I hid my insecurities by playing the loud, funny girl. It's not like I didn't have an amazing group of friends. I wasn't singled out at school and people generally liked me. High school, which is often described as being a dreadful time for someone of my stature, was a fabulous time in my life. I look back on the stupid decisions I made and smile. I was large and loving every second of my life.

The first two years of college were even better. I pity kids that came to school with the intention of learning. You know, the people that pulled frequent all-nighters because they just HAD to ace that biology test, even though their major wasn't even related to that field. College, in the beginning, isn't about school. It's about learning who you are and finding your place in this world. Like in high school, I immediately fell into the funny girl role. I met the most incredible people at JSU, and we had some crazy times. I also met Blakely, the love of my life, in 2007. It was my second year and his first year at school.

Together we were fat and happy. He didn't care about my size or my love for all things fried. He found my foul mouth and vulgar sense of humor to be endearing. After a few months of dating, we began working together at Applebee's where we snuck in the kitchen and stole endless amounts of fries and fried shrimp (SO romantic). Yep... we were just a couple of fatties in love. In the first six months of our relationship, we each packed on about twenty pounds, but it didn't matter one bit. I was endlessly happy to have found someone to spend my time and unhealthy life with.

So what changed? When did I begin caring about my body and health? Let me begin this part by saying that I've NEVER been a quitter. I have always prided myself in doing exactly what I say I am going to do. I have always believed in setting goals and following through until they've been accomplished. In 2007, I signed up to do drum corps (competitive marching band). This was absolutely shocking to those that knew me because it was a grueling process that would have required me run multiple miles everyday and spend my summer doing various forms of exercise. This was a VERY foreign concept to me. Much to my surprise, I made the corps I auditioned for. The instructor pulled me aside at one camp and gave me the "you're the fattest person in this corps, so you have to lose weight before the summer or you aren't going to make it" speech. It was a great deal of pressure because deep down, I didn't want to spend my summer away from Blakely doing ridiculous marching band related activities. To prepare for the approaching summer, I ran... a little. Like, for 5 minutes... one time. The month before I was set to leave, I made the decision to quit. I hadn't done my part in preparing for tour, and I wasn't ready to leave Blakely for three months.

Soon after my failed summer I had an epiphany. I woke up one day and realized that I was capable of being so much more than I was. My first two years of college were a joke, and my life-style was similar to that of an MTV reality show. I realized that our time here is so short, and the unhealthy life I was living was not allowing me to take advantage of it.

Anyone that knows me know that I have always had a passion for working with children with special needs. The kids I worked with in high school and through out college taught me a great deal about determination and overcoming obstacles regardless our abilities or disabilities. I didn't want my weight to be an obstacle or a "disability" in my life. My kids also taught me that life is SO, so short, and I want to experience as much as possible in my time here.

I am so fortunate to have been given a chance to start my life over. I feel like a new person and there is nothing in this world that I am incapable of doing. Finding the motivation within myself to reach my goals in life has been the greatest gift that I've ever been given, and everyday since this awakening has been devoted to accomplishing the goals that I have set for myself. Here I am in 2012, 117 pounds lighter and 5 pants sizes smaller. I have never felt more confident and sure that I am living my life to the absolute fullest. I want this blog to be a place where I share my continued journey. I've made great gains, but I am not half the woman I know I'm bound to be. Cue Journey's Don't Stop Believing!

2005