Perspective

Holy April...
For those of you who aren't special educators, the month of April consists of, without a doubt, the most torturous 30 days of the entire school year. IEP season is what we call it. Basically, we spend every waking moment assessing our kids, reviewing their data, determining educational/behavior/social goals for them for the next school year, developing a 10-20 page document describing their needs, organizing meetings with each of their parents, and then entering the bazillion pages of paperwork that go along with the process into the computer. We complete this process for every single kid we work with, so for me, I had seven. It's a lot of work, but it also shows the progress your students have made, so there are a lot of tiny celebrations that go along with it.
IEPs and grad school at the same time have made for the most difficult, stressful, FAT month of my entire life. I cannot remember a time where I have felt the need to binge the way I have this month. You know it's bad when you're pouring the contents of your treasure box onto the table so you can sift through the Slinkies and toy soldiers in hopes that you'll run across a Tootsie Roll (the worst candy of all time) to satisfy your sweet tooth.
Clearly, I have absolutely no shame.

The workload was stressful, but if I am going to be completely honest, I've had a lot on my mind since my return from California. I think my last update was while I was in Cali, which I apologize for. My vacation was the start of a lot of soul searching and second guessing myself. Questioning my beliefs and goals is not something I'm used to. I have always been so sure of my aspirations in life. I know exactly what I want and what I need to do to attain it. I pride myself on my ability to set and reach goals. I am doing exactly what I always said I was going to do by graduating and teaching special education. I'm working on my second degree AND working my dream job. I've lost the weight of a teenage girl, and I live a beautiful, successful life with an incredible man that loves me unconditionally. So what the hell is wrong with me? My heart has been so heavy and my head so full of what-ifs.
What if this isn't where I'm meant to be?
What if there are bigger opportunities elsewhere for me?
What if I'm not able to see and do all that I had hoped?

In a one a recent conversation with Dean, he told me that the world becomes smaller as we get older, but I couldn't disagree more. I think my weight loss (my "awakening", if you will) has shown me that there is so much to do and so many things to see in our short time on this earth. The world feels infinitely large to me. What if I can't do and see it all? I feel like I'm racing time to achieve all of my goals and travel all of the places I'm so desperate to see, because let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. I want a family and a home with a giant garden full of vegetables and a wrap around porch with rocking chairs, but at the same time, I  want to feel like I spent my twenties discovering the world and experiencing every single thing that it has to offer. It's overwhelming.
With the help of many pints of ice cream and deep conversations with friends, I am finally starting to come to my senses. I have to be grateful for what I have and all that I've accomplished. I'm sure there are bigger and better things elsewhere, but here, I live a wonderful life with a phenomenal man and my family close by. The grass is greener where you water it, and I've just installed sprinklers. I'm making a conscious effort to appreciate the things around me.

As I've mentioned several times already, I've led a super fat life this past month. Brownies, Mexican food, ice cream, candy... the whole works! With the help of my Sensei, Kelsey Crow, I've begun the slow process of getting back on track. I'm back to clean eating to eliminate the bloating. I so seriously feel pregnant with food. My kids are so confused because their homeroom teacher is pregnant. On more than one occasion, they've held my tummy and talked to it as if there were something there... I guess there is something occupying my tummy- a chocolate food baby, of which I am about to ABORT! That sounds horrible. What I mean is, I have come entirely too far to throw away my progress on stupid decisions. I've been eating sweets to the point of getting migraines. That's when I know it's bad. In my three year health journey, this is the first month I can remember where my weight has actually increased. I am exhausted all of the time, and I am notorious for my eaters remorse, so imagine how much Blakely has had to listen to me regret the things I've eaten knowing all of the junk I've put down in the last month. Wherever my self-control has gone, I am determined to find it. To hold myself accountable, I have set and outrageously high goal for myself.
I will be competing in the Alabama Coastal Triathalon in September, and I've got a ridiculously long road ahead of me to prepare. Since my half marathon, I've started focusing more on pace, so my distance has suffered. On average, I run 5-7 miles per run. Last month, I was running 8-10. My distance is going to have to improve. I'll spend my summer mornings at the sunrise cycle classes at 5:30 a.m. to prepare for the cycling portion of the race.
I am going to be training with the YMCA youth swim team to prepare for the swimming, which  really excites me. I know how crazy it sounds and how foolish I'll look, but my kids will be my "coaches", and I know I can rely on them to hold me accountable. I don't think I've swam without shorts on since I was 13, so I'm pretty nervous about reuniting my thighs with the open air. If all goes according to plan, my Tina Turner's will be in swimsuit shape in no time. Swimming is one of the best ways to tone your upper thighs, so I'm fully confident that I'll look like J-Lo in no time at all. Like I said, it's an unimaginably crazy goal, but I've never let myself down. I refuse to start now.

With all of the stress and anxiety I've felt lately, this weekend offered some much needed and well-deserved FUN! A few friends and I participated in the Whirlwind of Color 5k. It might seem like a knock of version of the Color Run... okay it is, but it was fun, regardless. It wasn't a race, so my timing was irrelevant. We just wanted to cut up and have a good time making complete fools of ourselves. We definitely succeeded :).

I can't remember the last time I had that much fun. It was so necessary and relieving!

Hopefully, my next post won't be so depressing. I can tell that I am ready to get back on track with my health. The month of April has been a four week slump, but I can see the very faint light at the end of this horribly long tunnel. I'm ready to work for this race. I'm ready to get my mind and body straight.
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." -Hellen Keller

Here are just a couple of resources for you. I've been slacking :).

Resistance Band Training
We use resistance bands a lot in the fitness classes I go to. They're inexpensive and unbelievably effective! A must have for any home gym!

When to eat, sleep, and exercise
This article is fantastic. It lays out the best times for exercise, eating, and sleeping. Very informative!

Californication

This post is brought to you from the porch of a coffee shop on a sunny day in gorgeous Santa Monica, California. Currently, I am enjoying a blood orange sweet tea and being harassed by a homeless man in a puffy vest. Although it might sound like an ordinary day to any California native, this day is exceptionally special to me because how many opportunities will I have to experience this? Not the tea or the hobo, but the hustle and bustle of life in California. To be honest, I’ve tasted the good life, and I am not sure how I can or if I want to go back to the simple life.

California is everything I imagined it would be and more. The more can be attributed to the amazing people I’ve gotten to know in my short stent here in Cali. The shops, beaches, and food (fat, I know) are entirely different on this side of the country. For example, the most popular restaurants are salad bars and grocery stores are stocked full of organic foods and the most beautiful produce I’ve ever seen. In Alabama, I run the streets of Oxford freely. I rarely pass children playing in their yards, and I certainly never have a fellow runner to wave at. Lazy people are almost nonexistent in California from what I can tell. My morning workouts are alongside hundreds of runners on the famous Ocean Avenue. I pass women, men, and hobos (mostly because they are asleep beside them) participating in outdoor yoga classes or martial arts groups. It amazes me. It even gives me faith that there is hope for humanity because, let’s face reality, obesity rates are higher than ever, particularly in the south. How easy would it be to commit to health when you are constantly surrounded by healthy people and given mostly healthy options? That’s what life is like here. I appreciate it, and mostly, I envy it.

My flight down here was smooth. Most of you know that I am insanely fearful of taking off and landing. The in between is never the problem, but the initial and final stages of flying are terrifying enough that I can’t do it without the assistance of drugs, the legal kind, obviously. So my flight here was 5 hours of pure Valium-induced sleep, just the way I like it.  I arrived, picked up my rental car, and rushed to downtown L.A. to meet my host and his friends.

Dean’s friends…

My first few days have been spent with a fantastic bunch of people. Dean, as most people that know him are aware, is EXTREMELY Greek. Like, speaks it, eats it, breathes it, Greek. Naturally, the majority of his friends are of Greek decent as well, and I am totally okay with it. Dean’s friends have been nothing but welcoming and kind. They’ve taken me in as one of their own. I was incredibly nervous as to how I was going to keep myself occupied while Dean worked during the days, but it’s been easy now that I’ve made friends with his group. I enjoy so much listening to them bicker back and forth and discuss their tactics for wooing the luxurious ladies of L.A. It’s hilarious, really. I’ve learned more about Greek culture and history in 3 days than I did in any of my history classes. See, this trip is even educational! They remind me of my friends so much, loud and horribly inappropriate. I guess I’m drawn to that crowd. Our first stop was to a lovely brunch joint overlooking the insanely beautiful Manhattan Beach. It was a breezy 72 in L.A.. The beach was taken over with families, tourists, and natives enjoying the day. Solitude is nonexistent around here. You are constantly surrounded by people in Cali, and as an avid people-watcher, I appreciate that aspect of it. We saw what we think were two celebrities on my first day. Well, let’s say one and a half, because Almost Nikki Minaj was really just a hideous black woman with tacky extensions. The gentlemen were convinced Jack Nickelson drove by while we stood on the side of a mountain in Hollywood. We chased him briefly, which was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life, but we never really knew if it was him or not. We ended up at a gorgeous home in Hollywood hills with some of Dean’s friends. The house was the former home of a one SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH! Ummm, am I living big here or what? We mingled, drank white wine, and ate delicious cheeses and other various treats. The night ended perfectly with the sun setting behind the hills of Hollywood. Breathtaking doesn’t begin to describe it.

Day two began with an almost 6 mile run along the shores of Santa Monica. The view was a overwhelming, as was the smell of homelessness and certain legal medical herbs… It’s everywhere here, I swear. After a quick shower, I hit the Promenade for the majority of the day. Dean is fortunate to live in an apartment overlooking one of the biggest shopping strips in the town. Give me a three story Forever 21 and I am occupied for hours. I spent the day window shopping and resisting the urge to empty my bank account. After 4 hours of walking, I spent an obscene amount of money on a coffee and headed back to Dean’s for a nap. I knew he had something exciting in store for the evening, but with Dean, you never know what to expect. A nap is always a good choice as there is never a guarantee of returning home before sunrise when Dean is making the plans. To my surprise, one of Dean’s got in touch with me to see if I wanted to accompany him to a doggy boutique. I think I’ve decided to say yes to every opportunity here because I am fearful that I won’t get the chance to experience anything like it again anytime soon. Doggy boutiques in California… oh lawd. I would seriously eat the treats sold in this place because they looked so tasty. Why does a dog need a special jar of peanut butter? Or doggy-safe chocolate covered cookies? I have literally seen my dog eat his own vomit. Marley will just have to stick with the Pedigree. No herbal doggy tea for that mutt. After perusing the isles of doggy heaven, we headed to Malibu. Pepperdine University is a school overlooking the beautiful beaching of Malibu. The thought of tuition for this university makes my stomach turn. It was, hands down, the most beautiful campus I’ve ever seen. 

I am really excited about this considering it’s been talked up so much since I’ve been here. I FINALLY had Greek cuisine. From what Dean says it was pretty freaking authentic. Dean knew the owner of some swanky joint. They had closed but opened for us after Dean charmed the owner. Talk about fancy. This place was nicer than any pre-prom restaurant I’ve ever been to. The owner not only opened the place for us but gave us the hook up with white wine, caviar, and shots of some sort of deliciously sweet liquor. In fact, it was Greece’s independence day, so it really was a cause for celebration. The food was divine, but I’m all about the experience, which was even better. We headed to one of Dean’s girlfriends shortly after that. Alex’s parents were visiting from Los Vegas for the week. They busted out the white wine and we enjoyed some fantastic conversation in her ridiculously cute studio apartment. I can’t get enough of these people. Everyone here has a fantastic story and I want to hear each and every one of them.

Day three was my hike to the Hollywood sign. Alex and I had really clicked, so she agreed to accompany me on my hike, and I am SO glad she did. She’s been here for several months, but somehow, we managed to get lost multiple times in our attempt to get to the starting point of the hike. As it turns out, we have A LOT in common. It’s a shame, really, that she doesn’t live closer. She’s a professional dancer turned actress, and really, her story is my favorite of anyone that I’ve met here. Out hike was full of discussions about health, men, and crazy experiences. We never quite made it to the sign, but we got an awesome workout in the attempt. She is a fitness instructor and teaches Barre. What is that, I know? I had never heard of such a class. Barre is a ballet inspired workout, and holy Jesus, was it a workout. I woke up with sore ankles. I really didn’t know I had so many muscles in my ankles, but I felt every single one of them this morning. I swear, I’ve never smelled myself so strongly while working out. It’s not cardio based at all, so my heart rate was never high. It’s all about strength training and flexibility, which I hate but know is 100% necessary if I am going to improve as a runner. She is a mega beast, and I am so thankful for the experience of attending her class. However, my ankles and quads are not.

After shoveling down Greek leftovers and spending 20 minutes beautifying myself as much as possible after a day full of hiking and ballet-inspired exercise, Dean and I met up with his friends for a night on the town. We went to a really fancy (what I consider fancy because I am used to bars full of old men and stalkers) lounge on the roof of some building in downtown L.A. The view was unbelievable. I don’t care how poor you are, it’s impossible not to feel high class in a place like that. The night ended with some Korean and good laughs, and we arrived home at a painful 3 a.m.

Today was not as glamorous. I woke up with the intentions of running 6 miles, but my ankles and quads are so sore that I can’t even think about running without my muscles aching. To my surprise, I walked outside and was greeted with the biggest farmer’s market I’ve ever seen! I spent a good 2 hours taste testing and learning about produce I’ve never even seen in my life. It was absolutely perfect. There’s something about a farmer’s market… The smells, the people, the food (obviously), I have a weird think for farmer’s markets. Call me crazy.  The last few hours have been dedicated to catching up on schoolwork. It pains me to be stuck in a coffee shop all day, glued to my job, but I guess that’s the price you pay for being a teacher. Work literally never ends.

My experiences here have been beyond all expectations. As my boyfriend and family know all too well, I am not an easy woman to please. I am rarely satisfied with what I have, and I am constantly looking for the next best thing. I have to say, I think I’ve found THE best thing. I love every aspect of this state. The weather, the flow, the people, it’s all exactly what I want in life. I have always felt that my dreams and expectations in life are far bigger than anything the south has to offer me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my BBQ and sweet tea, but I feel like my opportunities here would be endless. If I had no ties, I don’t know if I could resist trying to make it on this side of the country. It’s a lot to think about, a fantasy, really. I can only dream, I suppose. In case you can’t tell, I am really enjoying my trip. I hope to make this a more frequent thing, so I should probably start saving now. I’m sure I’ll have more to update about later. I still have a good two days here, so who knows what I’ll get in to J. 

Tuscaloosa Half Marathon

The past two weeks have been the busiest of the school year for me. Between meetings, getting a new student, grad school, and training, I have had little time for the fun stuff, which sadly, includes seeing my friends and boyfriend. This weekend should bring some relief. I am no longer focused on preparing for a half marathon. In fact, I am trying to decide whether I want to give myself a week of rest from exercise in general. It's probably not best practice, but I would like to have some time to catch up and maybe get ahead on school work, and it wouldn't be so bad having some me time. I've forgotten what that's like because my only me time since the new year has been during my runs.

 Stress and emotions got the best of me this week. I knew I had to start loading up on carbs and hydrating to prepare for my big day on Saturday, but I went a little crazy with the sweets as I always do when something major is about to happen. Wednesday and Thursday consisted of candy binges and brownies. I had a really stressful day Wednesday, so in typical Shannon fashion, I drowned my sorrows in a tub of Moose Tracks.
I was so anxious about my race the entire week that I barely slept at all. My poor students must hate me; I had very little patience this week and it showed.

Here's the kicker: I spent the entire week freaking myself out about this race even though I ran 13.5 miles the Sunday before. Nanci agreed to meet me in Coldwater, which is the town I work in, if I ran there. I set out on the hottest day in months and ran across two towns. I was dehydrated because I'm so accustomed to running in 45-50 degree weather. It was 65 and the sun was directly over me the entire run. I had to stop once at Sonic for some water. By the time I reached the Dollar General to meet Nanci, I was basically foaming at the mouth and dripping sweat from head to toe. You'd think I would have felt a little more prepared for my race, but I didn't feel as mentally prepared as I would have liked.

So about the race... My parents got into town yesterday night. We spent some time catching up, but we were all exhausted by 9:30. The race was in Tuscaloosa, which is about a 2 hour drive. We decided to leave at 4:45 a.m. to make sure I would have plenty of time to pick up my race packet and get through traffic. I set my alarm for 4:15. I figured I could rest on the way, and it's not like I had to wake up and put my face on...
I woke up at 3:40 to turn the heat down and fell back asleep. Next thing I know, I shoot out of the bed because I knew we had overslept. When I checked my phone, the time was 4:40, just 5 minutes before we were supposed to be walking out the door. My mother is incapable of getting ready in less than an hour, so I gave up on the idea that we'd be on time for this event. As it turns out, my mom had contracted some sort of stomach bug and was incredibly sick to her stomach. She had been up all night vomiting and running a fever. We expected the weather to be bad. The news was calling for rain and snow all morning, but the race was happening regardless. We forced her to stay home. She didn't like it, but it was better than feeling completely miserable in 36 degree weather.
My dad, Blakely, and I were out the door by 5. My adrenalin was in over-drive. It was like the scene from Home Alone where the family is late for their flight and everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off only with much more profanity.

I knew my family and Blakely would be miserable in this weather. I pretty bribed them with delicious gourmet donuts for breakfast. Watching my dad experience a red velvet donut for the first time without me was nothing short of torture. I bought 2 knowing that I would reward myself post-race, so I had to wait. Surprisingly, we weren't late at all! We arrived perfectly on time. I was able to pick up my packet, potty, and warm up. The sun came out momentarily but the wind was strong and slapped us like a ton of bricks across the face. Luckily, it stopped raining in the early morning hours and the light snowfall had let up for the time being. I approached the starting line and had to leave my boys behind. Even though I had already run 13 miles, I felt like I was setting out on accomplishing the most important goal I had ever set for myself. The race made it feel so official.

I'm not sure if you really understand what I mean when I tell you it was cold. I have run in cold weather, I've run in rain and sleet, but never in my worst nightmares have I run in such harsh conditions. It was bone chilling, face numbing, stock up on bread and milk because you're not leaving the house for a few days cold. My fingers, face, and toes were numb before the race even started. I knew my body temperature would rise as I ran, but I questioned whether or not it would rise enough to bring feeling back into my appendages (it didn't).

My goal was completion. I am insanely competitive, so I have been practicing on pacing myself during my daily runs to prepare my mind for a slower race. I was not concerned with time or placement. I simply wanted to live to tell about it. The first 6-7 miles were like cake. I felt strong and ready to take on the next. I even managed to pass a few people that had left me in the dust in the first leg of the race. I was enjoying exploring the town of Tuscaloosa, so it really didn't feel like a lot of work. The first leg had 4 hills that I can remember. The first two were not so bad, but the other 2 were fairly steep. Since my trail race, I have developed a hatred/fear of hills. I made it up them no problem and reminded myself that the heavy breathing was only temporary.
I was running up the steepest hill of the race, when I noticed a woman in a wheelchair and two other women beside her cheering her on as she slowly pushed herself up the hill. Once I realized that the woman was also intellectually disabled, I ran beside them for a moment to cheer her and her coaches on. That moment was so profound. Here I am, feeling all high and mighty because of my accomplishments, and this woman, with more limitations than I will ever know, is competing alongside me. I was overwhelmed with inspiration. Witnessing such determination lit a fire in me. I am a healthy, typically functioning young woman, and I had absolutely NO excuses for not giving it my all. It was just the motivation I needed!

By mile 9, I had blown my nose in my sleeve so many times that my nose chapped. My lips were dry and wind burned and my chapstick was completely frozen. More than once, I caught myself drooling without realizing it because I had absolutely no feeling in my face whatsoever. I was also experiencing some pretty insane shin splints. The last 4 miles of the race were the hardest part. I kept reminding myself that 4 miles was a light run for me and I tried to forget about the miles I already knocked out. The view was awesome during the last leg! We ran beside the river and through a park. I'd give anything to be able to run there everyday. The race ended at the Tuscaloosa Ampetheatre. As I approached it, I tried to pick up the pace. We circled the building and as I entered the ampetheatre to cross the finish line, I laid my eyes of Blakely and my dad. Their noses were blood red but they were in the front row, cheering as loudly as they could. My face lit up and I managed to scrounge up the energy to cross the finish line at a sprint. I received my medal and was greeted by hundreds of people cheering me on, but the thing that mattered most was that my dad and boyfriend were there to see me do it.

Completing this race was like nothing I've ever felt before. Partially because I was so cold that I couldn't move my mouth. I looked and felt like I had a stroke. I felt high, probably because I ran 13.1 miles, but mostly because this race was my way of kissing the 285 girl that I used to be goodbye forever. It 4 years, I have lost the weight of an average sized teenager. I have earned the title runner. Running, an activity that I literally used to fear and avoid, has become my favorite hobby. It was a little over a year ago that I completed my first 5k, and in such a short amount of time, I have increased my distance by 10 miles. I can never go back; I refuse to go back. The feeling of accomplishment and pride that I experienced today was more satisfying than any fried food or chocolate covered treat. I am a different person, a better person. Although, I did devour that red velvet donut immediately upon arriving home.
Here are some pictures from the race! Some are pre-race, and the ones where I look like I can't move my jaw are post-race. Thank you for your support and for reading. You guys are my biggest motivation.

What they don't tell you about clean eating

I am two weeks into clean eating. The meals are not a problem for me. I have done really well with sticking to raw fruits and vegetables, brown rice, whole grain pastas and bread, and lean meats. I feel fit and energized throughout the entire day. Snacking is where I am most tempted to reach for the wrong thing.
It's taken some time to get used to, but I am making more and more small changes every day.
For example, I've switched from coffee creamer (even the sugar free) to almond milk. Almond milk is much creamier than regular coffee creamer, and it doesn't leave me feeling bloated or full.

Throughout this process, I've had several "ah-ha!" moments that, I feel, are worth sharing incase any of you are looking into making the change to a clean diet.

1. It's impossible to change over night. I know I "started" eating clean two weeks ago, but I was not fully equipped to eat 100% clean, and I was not willing to throw away the entire contents of my pantry and fridge to make room for the clean stuff. It really is a process that takes preparation and planning. Jumping into it was a mistake on my part and sadly, I've wasted a lot of food and money.  Slowly integrate new items into your kitchen that will take the place of the processed items.

2. There is nothing that calms my cravings for chocolate except the delicious, processed, UNCLEAN goodness itself. I thought I would find something, anything to take the place of wanting to snack on chocolate. Unfortunately, I have yet to find an alternative, and to be completely honest, I'm not sure I want to.
**RANT**
I wake up at 5 a.m. (sometimes before) every morning and teach children for 8 hours each day. If I am not in class until 9 o'clock, I come home and workout for at least 2 hours before I start on the insane amount of homework that is due at the end of every week for my grad classes. I deserve all the chocolate, cupcakes, ice cream, and candy that my fat self can eat! Do I over-indulge? Absolutely, but is there really a reason for me to feel bad about it? I think not.

3. Eating 5-7 meals a day is HARD. I eat oatmeal and fruit everyday for breakfast, and I usually don't feel hungry again until 9:45-10. Unfortunately, my work schedule doesn't always allow me 5 minutes to sit down and have an apple or a cup of yogurt. I try to eat a snack between breakfast and lunch, but it isn't always a priority. Part of me still believes that dinner should be my big meal of the day because it is after my workout and I've eaten lightly throughout the day.

4. Clean eating is expensive! Produce isn't cheap, and it doesn't last long. I find myself grocery shopping at least twice every week with this new diet. Eating right shouldn't feel be a financial burden.

It sounds like a lot of complaining, but I really do feel like clean eating is the best choice for me. It's just taking me a little longer to get used to all of these changes than I'd like...
Don't let me scare you away from it! You will feel better in a matter of days when you begin fueling your body with the right things. It is definitely going to take longer than a month to adjust to this lifestyle, but I am willing to take the time to do it right.

I have been pain free for almost 2 weeks. I've really thrown myself back into running. Last Friday was a hard day. My kids were out of sorts, and I was feeling a little out of sync myself. I came home and went for a run. I set out to do 5 miles but ended up running 9, my new record. Even my trail run wasn't a true 9.6 because I couldn't run up the hills. This time was legit. After every mile, I asked myself "are you going to die?". If the answer was no, I kept going. Even at 9, I probably could have continued. By the time I reached that point though, the temperature had dropped significantly and it was almost 7:30 p.m. My nose was frozen and I could barely feel my fingertips but I was over the moon!

Since then, I have been running every other day 6-8 miles minimum. It's an odd feeling when 6 miles is considered your "light run". I'm more determined than I ever thought possible. This race will not get the best of me like that trail run. I want to feel completely prepared when the big day comes, so I'm not allowing myself to make excuses. Even on my fattest days, I am out there killing those miles.

Here are a few things on the menu for this week and a couple of workouts that I am going to try out:

Squash and Wild Rice Casserole

Broccoli Bites

I'm kind of interested in CrossFit. It might be something I try after my half marathon, so here are some CrossFit exercises that I am going to tryout this week at the gym!

CrossFit Burn and Firm

Good luck this week in your pursuit to live a happier and healthier life! 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

So Fresh, So Clean

We are almost a month into 2013. How are those health resolutions coming along? It's too soon to quit, so save the excuses for June or July!

I survived my detox. Day one was probably one of the most miserable days in the history of my life (yes, I am THAT fat). Not eating for an entire day was far more difficult than I imagined it would be, but I did it! I drank at least two liters of water and two cups of vegetable stock. By day two, I was more than ready to chow down on some fruit! My meals consisted of pineapple, grapes, and grapefruit. It wasn't the General Tso Chicken I so desperately longed for, but it was better than pretending to enjoy the water my vegetables soaked in for thirty minutes... I hadn't prepared myself for the caffeine headaches that would go along with detoxing. I was a miserable grouch, and Blakely is the best man I know for putting up with me.

Day three was probably the most difficult. I planned my detox to where I wouldn't be a starving grouch around my kids, so the first two days were done on the weekend. By day three, I could have raw vegetables, fruits, and liquids. I woke up and began preparing my breakfast, but something wasn't right. I felt faint and my vision began to tunnel. When I saw myself in the mirror, my lips were the color of my skin. My knees were super shaky, and I felt like I couldn't stand another second. I sat in the floor and shouted until Blakely woke up. He brought my breakfast to me on the floor and it made all the difference in the world. I'm no expert, but I am guessing my sugar bottomed out due to my lack of food intake over the past 3 days.

As the week progressed, I reintroduced my body to carbs and proteins. I was bursting with energy, and most importantly, I FELT healthy. By day seven, I had dropped 6 pounds, I was sleeping harder than ever, and I was in the best mood of my life.

This detox has given me ample time (or so I thought...) to rest my foot. I rested my foot the entire week. I avoided working out too much because I wasn't taking in enough calories to burn, and I really didn't feel like dying. On day 6, Nanci and I purchased a gym membership and the YMCA. I've already put it to good use! I've been experimenting with new classes and really focusing on strength training. My new obsession is spin class! I went to the Sunrise Spin Class on Friday since school was delayed for two hours. The class begins at 5:30 *cringe*, and the bikes are in a room surrounded by windows. They turn off the lights, so the first part of the class is lit by Christmas lights. The sun slowly creeps up and fills the room while the class is going on. Somehow, I managed to take a moment to appreciate the beauty of the sunrise in between the uphill sprints. By the time the class was over, I was pouring sweat from every pore of my body. My calves and thighs burned like the flames of hell and I was convinced my ass was going to fall off my body entirely. It was the best workout I've had in months, and I had tons of energy throughout the day. It was totally worth waking up at 4:40 on a workday.

Last week was just what I needed to motivate me for my month of clean eating! I started Monday, and I can already tell that it's going to be fabulous! I've eaten 5 meals today, but I don't feel bloated or guilty in the least.

• Meal one: Peanut butter BAN-oatmeal. Mash a half of a banana in a bowl, add plain rolled oats and a tbsp. of natural peanut putter or almond butter. Add water and cook in the microwave for 5 minutes. I like to add a little bit of cinnamon for some more flava! It's my new obsession. I made if for Blakely and he added a spoonful of brown sugar because the banana wasn't sweet enough by itself. If you are eating clean, skip on the sugar!
• Meal two (post run): Oikos plain yogurt sweetened with honey and apple slices
• Meal three: Turkey bacon, lettuce, and tomato on whole grain bread
• Meal four: An avocado
• Meal 5: Turkey lasagna roll-ups made with lean ground turkey, spinach, ricotta cheese, and crushed tomatoes. I also ate a small spinach salad with it. 

Altogether, I've eaten right at 1,300 calories today. No shame in that!

Today was the first day of my 30 days of clean eating, but I've been experimenting with clean recipes all weekend.

Friday, I made clean turkey chili that was oh-so delicious and guilt free! I froze the leftovers in cupcake tins to take with me for lunches this week.

Annie came down this weekend and we made chicken and vegetable kabobs with bakedsweet potatoes and apples on the side. 

The recipe calls for chiles, but I didn't think it would be as good with those, so we left them out.

Even Blakely, advocate of all food processed, can't deny the deliciousness of these meals! I think I am going to win this argument!

Like, I said before, I thought a week would be more than enough time for my foot to heal. I've been itching to run now that I've got all of this energy. I ran three miles on Saturday. I didn't want to jump into it and injure myself on my first day back, so I purposefully kept it short and slow. I was hoping to dive back into it this morning with a 5 mile run. The first two and a half were perfect. I was actually feeling like I could do more than 5 because the weather was so beautiful and I was deep into "the zone". About 2.8 miles into my run, I came down off a slope and landed on my foot all kinds of wrong. I took three more strides before the pain became completely unbearable. My half marathon is a little more than a month away, and I have only run 8 miles in two weeks. I should be running 8 miles everyday. This is a SERIOUS problem. I know I need to rest it, and I know I can cause long-term damage if I'm not careful, but the thought of missing out on this challenge that I have spent years training for is more painful than any injury I could physically sustain. I pride myself in never quitting. It's kind of my thing... I don't know if it's considered quitting to throw in the towel due to injury, but it would feel a hell-of-a-lot like it to me. I'm going to tryout the elliptical tomorrow. It's less impact and I can still get my cardio in. I have a follow up appointment with my podiatrist on Thursday, and I am crossing every single finger and toe that he will have some ideas for how I can speed up my recovery time. Prayers/thoughts/good vibes/whatever ya got, I'll take 'em!

The weather has been SO perfect for outside activities this weekend. If you are able to, go outside and enjoy it while it lasts! Be active and be healthy! Use this to motivate you this week! 

When you think you haven't got a single bit of fight left in you, remember that your body is so much stronger than your mind. Have faith in yourself because you are the only thing standing in the way of your success.

Best of luck on your journey toward a happier and HEALTHIER life! 

Learning the Hard Way

What a week…

I mentioned in my last post that my tendinitis was flaring up again and how dumb I’ve been for not listening to my body telling me to take a break. I paid for it. BIG TIME. On Tuesday, I worked out with a couple of co-workers after school. We did Level 2 of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. If you are looking for a low impact but VERY effective workout DVD, I would highly recommend the 30 Day Shred. Jillian Michael’s isn’t the same heartless demon in her workout DVD as she is on the Biggest Loser. She is actually quite calm and encouraging. After our workout, I was going to be tough and go for a 4 mile run. I got a mile into the run before the pain in my foot was so unbearable I couldn’t put any pressure on it. Blakely had to come pick me up off the side of the road by our house. I am not one to be easily embarrassed, but that was downright humiliating. I’m no quitter, so throwing in the towel was not an easy choice. The arch of my foot was so swollen that it looked like it was filled with Jello, and the pain was unbearable. Blakely put his mean face on and told me he would fight me if I tried to run again. I agreed to go to the doctor and take a week in order for it to heal.

On Thursday, my principal let me leave for an hour to see a podiatrist. Dr. Silvers (in Anniston) came highly recommended by many of my co-workers. I had to spend the first 20 minutes filling out paperwork describing the physical activities I participate in and the intensity and specifics of my injury. The first words out of his mouth were “you might have to stop running”. I felt my blood boil because that just wasn’t an option. I told him that it was not going not going to happen until after my half in March. He x-rayed my foot and spent some time poking around before he determined it to be plantars fasciitis. Basically, the plantars band in my foot is inflamed and has small tears. I got a shot of Cortizone in my heel (worst pain of my life) and a prescription for the pain. The swelling has gone down immensely, and I can finally put pressure on it again. I’ve stuck to my word and haven’t run since Tuesday. I’ve gotten a lot done since I’ve been forced to come up and sit around until I pass out on the couch, so I guess the break has been good for me. The reality of the situation is that I’m not going to be able to run forever. I’ve got to start exploring other forms of exercise instead of running everyday. The doctor, who used to be a marathon runner, told me “if you are going to run long distance, you’re going to have to accept running in pain”. His honestly, however brutal it was to hear, was appreciated. I'm taking this as a huge lesson. I've got to start listening to my body when it's tell me it can't keep up. I could have sat out on Tuesday and rested my foot, but stubborn me had to prove myself once again. 

Now on to my next “ah-ha!” moment of the week… Regardless of the amount of weight I’ve lost or the distance I’m able to run, I have continued to see myself as being fat. My body image is all kinds of screwed up because I don’t feel like I’ve done enough. I’m constantly snacking and I always feel bloated. I stumbled upon this website http://www.eatcleandiet.com/.

Clean eating is NOT a diet. It’s a complete lifestyle change, and you know how often I preach about a lifestyle change. Basically, clean eating boils down to the food that the good lord intended us to eat and NO PROCESSED FOODS.

Here are the perks of eating clean:

1.    You eat 5-7 small meals a day. I love to eat!

2.    Eating unprocessed take away the feeling of being bloated.

3.     I can still eat sweets, pastas, and cheese! Eating clean doesn’t require me to cut out the things I love. I just have to find unprocessed choices with few ingredients.

I would be giving up fast food, cereal, and candy, but I feel like this is a change I can live with. I’m ready to take it to the next level. I’m tired of feeling lethargic and bloated 24/7, so I am going to give this “eating clean” thing for a month starting today.

To prepare my body for this change, I am detoxing. Check it out because detoxing is a great way to prepare your body for a big change. After 7 days, it’s on to clean eating! Wish me luck!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-185047/Week-seven-day-detox.html