It seems as though time moves faster nowadays. I cannot believe today is the last day of 2013. Christmas has come and gone, finally. Was your holiday full of cakes, candy, and very little exercise? It's okay... Mine too. December, with the exception of Christmas morning, is my least favorite month of the year. I am incapable of saying no to sweets, and God knows they are everywhere, so like the rest of the country, my pants are fitting a tad tighter. We can wallow in it, which will only force us to turn to stress eating and cause more damage, or we can accept it and move on from it. I choose the latter.
This year was huge for me. I completed my first half marathon, traveled all over the place, began graduate school, and discovered Crossfit (yes, this is a milestone). I learned a great deal about who I am, what I am doing, and the next steps I want to take in my life. If you ask anyone that really knows me, they would probably describe me as ambitious or determined. I dream big and work hard to accomplish what I set my heart on doing. I'm not one to second guess my decisions or my goals, but it seemed like this year was full of doubt. I don't mean it in a negative way; 2013 was a fantastic year for me. With all of the opportunities I was so fortunate to experience, I learned a lot about who I am now, in this moment, as opposed to who I thought I would be at this point in my life. My mindset was stuck in 2006 when I wanted so desperately to graduate, teach, and settle down with a husband and shoot out babies left and right. It wasn't until this year that I realized my life was not going in that direction at all. At first, it terrified me. I was paralyzed with fear because I felt like I had no control of what was happening around me. I have an impeccable sense of direction, both literally and figuratively. I was always confident and excited about the direction my life was taking because I was steering the ship. Several curve balls were thrown my way this year that taught me an invaluable lesson, one that I am surely the last person on this planet to realize: things don't always go according to plan.
I guess it began in March. I went to L.A. and spent a good bit of time on my own with new surroundings. I had the opportunity to do a lot of soul searching. I loved the busy feeling of the city and the sense that I was among thousands of people with dreams just as big as mine. I felt so empowered in California, and if you recall my post-Cali update, I had a hard time transitioning back to the real world. I joke with my friends from Georgia when they ask me about living in Alabama. "Time moves a little slower in my neck of the woods". I kid, but after being away from this place so much this year, I find a great deal of truth in it. This realization was profound. Did I feel restricted by this place? Am I capable of being successful here, or will I be suppressed by the stereotypes of being a young, southern woman? I began questioning every single life decision I had made prior to that point.
The next "ah-ha" moment came in April. Blakely was finishing up his practicum semester, his first real taste of the responsibilities of teaching. Much to my surprise at the time (not so much anymore now that I have had the time to really reflect on it), Blakely realized that he didn't want to teach. I was shocked and at the time, disappointed even. For as long as Blakely and I had been together, all I have known was that we would both be teachers. We built our dreams around the idea. It was the foundation for our future, and here we were, the semester before he was set to graduate without a clue as to what our next steps would be. I felt like the steamroller that is my life had completely derailed. It sounds dramatic now, but like I said before, I like being in control. Blakely was 18 when we started dating. I had a year and a half of college under my belt and four years of terrible decisions in high school to teach me the many life lessons that dictated who I was when I began dating him. Had I given Blakely enough time to learn who he was as an individual, or did I force him down a path he was never meant to be on in the first place? All of the sudden, I had no idea what our relationship was based on. I was absolutely sure of two things: I loved Blakely more than anything, but I am not the type of woman that would let another person's problems interfere with my goals.
After two solid weeks of crying and hundreds of spoonfuls of Nutella, I came to the most important conclusion of my whole life: the world does not revolve around me. Yes, my goals are important, but after six years with the same person, I finally learned that one partner's aspirations cannot outweigh the other. I took a leap of faith and decided to let life happen. We didn't have a plan, and we are still working on one. Rather than allowing myself to feel helpless, I found comfort and excitement in the unknown. This is our chance to have new experiences together. We might fall flat on our face, or we might make tons of money with one of the ridiculous inventions we come up with together. I don't know. I don't care. I am appreciative of the gift of time we've been given. I always pictured myself with tons of kids by the time I was 25. Here I am at 26 with an adorable dog, a degree and a half, and not the slightest clue of what will come next.
It's thrilling. I truly feel 18 again. A lot of learning and maturing took place this year. Typically, my New Years resolutions are related to moving the numbers on a scale or promising to stick to a diet I know I'll never abide by. I want 2014 to be a year of healthy living, physically and mentally. My resolution is to stop letting a number dictate my happiness. I want to appreciate how far I have come in my journey toward a healthier life and accept new challenges in the upcoming year. This blog has always been about physical health, but maybe I need to throw a few more mental health posts in the mix. After all, mental health is the foundation for physical health.
Let's make 2014 count, folks.
