Another milestone

Today was a day of epic proportions. I, former fatty, lover of all things edible, completed my first 10k without stopping. Six miles of blistering heat and blinding sun weren't enough to dampen my spirits for completing the goal I set for myself when my alarm sounded at 6:30 this morning. It was do or die today.

Maybe it's because I am a runner, or the fact that I surround myself with people that outrun me by 10+ miles, but six seems like a much smaller number when I compare my distance to others. Regardless, my run this morning was proof to myself that I am capable to going beyond any and all expectations that I've ever had for myself. 117 pounds ago (maybe more, maybe less. I haven't weighed in lately), the idea of running for an entire hour was enough to make me want to crawl back in the bed. I've always had an irrational fear of distance running. Prior to completing my first race, I hadn't run a full 3 miles. I was experiencing some type of strange mental block, let's call it runner's block, where I just couldn't push myself to do 3 miles. I have been itching to run a full 6 miles for a few weeks now, but my runner's block has put a serious damper on my motivation. I can't put it into words. My body would get to a little over 5 miles and my brain would tell it that I just couldn't go any further. Please remember this quote because it changed my life forever:
"Your body can do so much more than your brain ever thought possible." 

So what was my motivation for this run? My beautiful and inspiring best friend, Miss Kelsey Crow. Kelsey is currently teaching children  changing lives in Thailand. I am an avid reader of her blog, and her most recent update set a fire within me. Anytime my dear friends need a quick burst of reassurance and encouragement, I try to go out of my way to give it to them. Kelsey gets all of the credit for my weight loss success. She was my number one motivator, workout buddy, and above all else, my biggest cheerleader. Kelsey is practicing Thai kickboxing while overseas, and if I know her, she is kicking ass and taking names. Her blog reeked of self-motivation. She talked about how determined she's become while living in Thailand to get back into shape. If you've never had the pleasure, or sweaty displeasure of working out with Miss Crow, then you will understand the level of expectations she sets for herself. I remember going to the gym with her in 2006. I was 285 pounds, and she was on a 45 interval run on the treadmill. Just watching her made me want to vomit; that's how hard she was pushing herself. I thought, surely, I'll never be that motivated to do anything in my entire life. With her support and infinite wisdom, Kelsey was my go-to gal for making my big change. I pictured her in the jungles of Thailand, surrounded by elephants a tigers, training one-on-one with a man that strongly resembles the trainer from Karate Kid. In my mind, she was throwing jabs and round house kicks at giant bags of sands that dangle from trees. The entire time I was running, I thought about how hard she must be working and how severely she must be sweating in the muggy climate of Thailand. I figured if she could give 150% under those crazy circumstances, then surely, I could overcome my ridiculous fear of running six miles.

I killed them-all six of them. I kept a fairly steady pace of 9 minutes 30 seconds the entire time. I even purposefully included a few hills in my route. By the time I reached 5 miles, my knees ached and I was raining sweat from every pore on my body. When the lady on my GPS whispered the beautiful number 6 in my ears, I was overcome with emotion. Truth be told, I am a huge cry baby. I cry over everything and for everyone, so it was no surprise that this occasion triggered an all out sob fest. A sweet woman even pulled over to see if I was okay. She asked, "are you okay, baby?"
I responded with "I just ran 6 miles!".
She asked if I needed help and laughed when I told her that I was crying out of pride. It was a ridiculous moment to commemorate the amazing task I had just accomplished.

I've never felt more proud of myself in my entire life. I am so anxious to see just how many miles I have in me.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle."
-Christian D. Larson
Live it.

Obsessive

It's been three days since my big scare, and I'm back to feeling like my normal self. I felt fine later that night, in fact. It's very surprising to me that the doctor's had no explanation for what happened considering it was obviously something to do with my heart. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get any answers, but I keep reminding myself that no news is good news. You know I couldn't stay down for long. I took the entire day on Tuesday to let my body and my mind recover from the events of Monday. I could tell that my body needed that day off. I hate going multiple days without some form of physical activity. Wednesday, Rachel came over and we did Taebo. Yes, the ridiculous late 90's cardio kick-boxing video featuring the incredibly sweaty Billy Banks. It was nice to feel active again, and I really love cardio kick-boxing. The semester that I spent in the class two times a week was the semester that I dropped the most weight. I went down two pants sizes that year. I swear it's what finally got my arms in shape too. I was proud that we were able to tackle the advanced DVD! I knew it would get out heart rate up, but I had NO idea that I would rain like a freaking monsoon. I was completely drenched from head to toe after just an hour. It made me really miss my beautiful BBG (Kelsey).

Rachel and I decided to complete an early morning run today since I had to go into work at 10:30. I got to her house and we started talking about how she's been having terrible migraines after her workouts lately. She did some research and found that migraine, collapsing while running, and heart palpitations are all indicators of workout exhaustion. I realize that people workout far more often than we do, but I feel like workout exhaustion might be the answer to what happened on Monday. I also think it also had a lot to do with the heat. Running in July in the state of Alabama is seriously dangerous. Some mornings we start our run and it will be 85. By the time we get back, it's in the low 90's. We've had to run earlier and earlier every few weeks because of the heat.

I talked about it with a few of my family members and friends, and it really makes sense that my body is exhausted. I love running, but I tend to ignore signs that I am pushing myself too hard because I am so focused on reaching my goal for the day. I also feel really guilty when I can't run a solid 5 miles. I know it sounds ridiculous. Boo-hoo, poor Shannon cant' run 5 miles everyday, I know... I have a serious problem with not meeting my full potential in every single workout I complete. Just call me stubborn...

Rachel and I have come to a compromise in order to give our bodies more time to recover from running in the heat. We are going to run every other day and complete a kick-boxing routine on days that we don't run. It will give us the opportunity to strength train more and tone our soon-to-be fierce bodies. I know that I should be focusing a lot on toning, but I don't feel as accomplished after a workout that doesn't involve a lot of cardio. It's going to be a real struggle to make myself not run. I almost dread it, but I really think it's what's best.

Since losing 117 pound, my body image has become an honest to god obsession. It's all I think about, and sometimes I wonder if I care too much about it. My biggest fear in this world is packing the pounds back on. I've already given all of my size 14-20 clothes away, so I would really be up the creek without a paddle... or pants for that matter. There is never a second where I am not thinking about my appearance or the decisions I'm making that will affect it. It's unhealthy, it's negative, and it's causing me to lose sight of what I am really trying to accomplish. I want to feel healthy. I preach to everyone that how you feel is way more important than the size of  your jeans or the number you see on the scale, but am I really abiding by those rules myself? I feel amazing. I know that my success has inspired other people, and it means the world to me to have the opportunity to do so. I guess it's just a fear of failure. It would be the biggest disappointment of my life to revert back to the terrible lifestyle I lived before. I would feel like I've let the people that supported me for so many years down. I've got to stop putting so much pressure on myself. From this day forth, I'm going to stop focusing on what I've done wrong and focus on what I'm doing right. The negative energy that I'm surrounding myself with is only preventing me from living the happiest life possible, and I'm done with it. No more guilt trips and no more apologizing to myself.

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer in this post, but I had to share my realization today and how I plan to make the appropriate changes. Best of luck to you in your pursuit of health and happiness, friends.
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they make the best of everything.

Echos, EKGs, and X-rays, oh my

Well, I'm finally home from what has turned out to be one of the longest and most worrisome days of my life. As I promised in my last entry, I woke up with the intention of busting my butt to get back on my healthy train. I wasn't terribly excited about my morning run because I didn't get enough sleep the night before, but I was determined to tough it out regardless. I got to Rachel's a little late. We started our run in the typical fashion and nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. I usually don't get out of breath until at least my 2nd mile, and I really don't start to sweat until the 3rd or 4th mile. Rachel and I got about 2 and a half miles from her house, and I could feel myself breathing heavier than usual. I tried to focus on the rhythm of my feet and breath in my usual pattern, but it didn't seem to help. All of the sudden, I began sweating profusely and my heart started racing. My chest felt extremely tight; it was unbearable. As much as I wanted to push through it, I had no other choice but to listen to what my body was trying to tell me. Clearly, something was horribly wrong. I slowed my pace to a walk and all of the sudden my vision began to tunnel. I felt like I was going to vomit. I fell to the ground because I literally could not see two feet in front of me. My heart continued to race. No matter what I did I could not catch my breath. I sat on the side of the road, gasping for air until Rachel caught up to me. By that point, I was able to see again, and I could kind of explain what was happening. My appendages were shaking violently my heart rate was much higher than it should have been. I cannot imagine what I would have done without Rachel. She booked it back to her house while I walked to a bench down the street. I laid down and gave my body a minute to relax, but my heart rate was still racing.

By the time I got back to my apartment, my heart rate was still elevated and I still had some chest discomfort. I despise hospitals and doctor's offices. They are full of bad news and my biggest fear is that they're going to tell me that I have to stop running, My sweet dad begged and pleaded for me to go. To be honest, he mostly scared me into it. I was still having tightness in my chest, so I figured it would be best to go to my doctor to see what was going on. I only went to my normal doctor. He ran an EKG to measure my heart beat, ran a few blood tests, and gave me a chest x-ray. To my surprise and dismay, he had no answers for me. He couldn't believe that this could happen to someone as healthy as me. He told me that I have no risk factors for any heart problems, so he was pretty dumbfounded. He wanted me to go to the hospital for further testing because my symptoms were consistent with a minor heart attack (or so he said), but he really wasn't convinced that it was that. He was also concerned that it might have been a blood clot in my heart or lungs, and he did not have the means to test for such things at his office.

Two hours after the episode on the side of the road, Blakely and I found ourselves in the emergency room, sharing a room with a poor old woman that had explosive diarrhea in her diaper. Miserable doesn't begin to describe this experience.
I was immediately put in a robe, hooked up to a heart rate/blood pressure monitor, and given oxygen. It was pretty extreme if you ask me, but doctors take matters of the heart pretty seriously. I was given an IV; apparently I was also dehydrated. They completed the same tests at the hospital that they ran at my doctor's office and then some. My favorite, if I had to choose, was the stress echo. To add to the 7 wires I already had dangling off my body, I was hooked up to ten more for the stress echo. The doctor used a sonogram to take pictures of my heart before beginning the test. It was so amazing to see my heart on a monitor. It was beating beautifully. Next, they strapped a giant belt around my waist to keep my wires attached to me and put me on a treadmill. The speed and elevation begin relatively low, especially for someone who runs 5 miles almost everyday. My starting heart rate was below a hundred, and I had to stay on the treadmill until it reached 176. Every three minutes, the speed and elevation of the treadmill increased. I am used to running more than 5.5 mph, but at an elevation of 18 and with bare feet, it was pretty difficult. It took 15 minutes for my heart rate to increase enough for them to photograph my heart again. Once I reached 176, I had to jump off the treadmill, rip off my gown, and let her lube up my chest for the reading. It was a crazy experience. I was excited that the nurses were so impressed by my incredible heart rate. They kept telling me how in shape I am to be able to run for so long before my heart rate increases. It made me feel awfully special.

Cheezin' in the ER! 

The doctor came in after about 5 hours of testing and laying around only to tell me that everything looked normal. He couldn't explain why my episode occurred and that I should follow  up with my doctor next week. I feel good that it wasn't a blood clot or heart attack, obviously. I guess I will just take it as "no news means good news". I wish I had more answers, but the most important thing is that it wasn't anything too serious and I don't have to stop running. 

I cannot stress the importance of listening to your body while you workout. Every run is filled with it's share of cramps and aches, but I could tell that it was much more than that this time. Even though I have no explanation, I will sleep easier knowing that I have a completely healthy heart. To my amazing friend Rachel, thank you for all you did for me today. I dread thinking about what could have happened had you not been there. You're officially my hero.

I appreciate everyone's kind words and medical advice during this brief moment of panic. Y'all are the absolute best friends a fat girl could ask for. I am going to rest tomorrow and see how I feel Wednesday before I try to exercise again. After that, it's back to the grind.

Fat Attack

*Warning*
This will not be an awe inspiring, motivational update to tell you how hard I've worked over the past couple of days. This update will be a confession- a completely humiliating confession of the terribly greasy, fattening, and fried things that I have put into my body the past few days. Forgive me friends, for I have gorged. Gorged doesn't even begin to describe how I've eaten this weekend. I think that the fat side of my brain was under the impression that it would never eat again, so I consumed as much food as possible to ensure that I would survive. I feel bloated and fatigued, but for some odd reason, I want more. Will power is something that I will really have to dig deep to find this week. My poor stomach...

I went to Georgia Friday night to prepare for my bestie's baby shower on Saturday. My dad took me out to dinner so we could spend some much needed quality time together. We went to Chili's. I've been really careful this week about my eating. I knew that I had to prepare for the fat-fest that was sure to go down this weekend, but I didn't prepare for the fried feast that my dad and I would have at the restaurant. Fried jalapenos and onion strings and fried chicken fingers with a side of french fries and, wait for it.... FRIED CORN. Deep fried corn! OMG! It was heavenly and buttery all at the same time. My mouth waters just thinking about it. I felt so shameful and full afterwards. Regardless, it was wonderful spending time with mi padre. He is absolutely my biggest fan and greatest motivation in this world. I cherish every single fat minute I  spend with him.

Me and paps before the Warrior Dash in May

My best friend in the entire world is having a beautiful baby boy in October! Emily and I met in 2003, but we really didn't become friends until my senior year of high school. She and I have always been an odd pair. We compliment each other well and our friendship has always been so valuable in my life. It was my pleasure to give Em her first baby shower. I've spent the week preparing decorations and organizing baby-related games. Friday night was spent making Oreo truffles (of which I ate at least 6 of prior to the shower), cucumber finger sandwiches, and Rotel dip for 18+ people. I didn't sleep a wink. By the time Saturday morning rolled around, I was a nervous wreck trying to get everything together. The shower was beautiful! The decorations and food were all perfect and everything fell into place. I always stress for no reason. Emily and baby Max received all sorts of wonderful presents. I can't wait for him to arrive!

Before the party 

Decorating onesies! 

Everyone

Me and Em with the diaper wreath that I made for her! 

The most delicious and ridiculously unhealthy treat EVER! 

Now that the shower is over, it's back to the real world. No more raspberry lemonade cake, Oreo truffles, or mini egg rolls. I've made my bed, and now I must lay in it. One bad weekend isn't going to put a damper of what I've worked so hard for. 

It's important to realize that you're going to have fat days, fat weeks, and sometimes, even fat months. If you know you're passionate and serious about living healthy, then hop back on that horse! Learn from your mistakes and let them motivate you to make better choices. My sleeping schedule has been affected by my food choices this weekend. I feel like I'm pregnant with a giant food baby. I'm irritable and tired all the time. My body is punishing me for what I've given it, so I will spend this week apologizing by eating better, drinking more water, and going harder at the gym. It's  my promise to you that my next update will bring healthy recipes and empowering tales of how hard I've worked to rid myself of these fat thoughts!

Here is one of my favorite quotes to remind you that there's always tomorrow! Good luck with your pursuit of health and happiness this week. Don't hesitate to comment or facebook me if there's any topic you'd like to discuss on my blog!


"Ah, Hope! What would life be, stripped of thy encouraging smiles, that teach us to look behind the dark clouds of today, for the golden beams that are to gild the morrow."
-François de la Rochefoucauld

Will Power

A dear friend sent me a text message with a really great question. I won't name any names, but I'm sure other people struggle with the same issue. She was telling me that she is working on living healthier, and her eating habits have improved greatly. She was able to make the sacrifice as far as food goes, but she has a difficult time finding the motivation to exercise. She told me that she doesn't posses the will power to get up and go to the gym.
It really got me to thinkin' about what "will power" really entails. I know a boat load of people that have incredible determination. Nothing stands in the way of their success, and there is no obstacle that they can't overcome. To be honest with you, those people make me sick, but I envy them nonetheless. It's easy to say that they're lucky, or they're from a supportive family and were provided with many opportunities. But when you get right down to it, will power is not genetic. It's not something that you're born with. Will power is 100% learned. It's a game of mind of matter.
My advice to her was this:
Start small! It would be completely unrealistic to incorporate two hours of exercise everyday into your schedule. Make minor changes like walking to class or around town instead of driving. Bike once a week for an hour.If you already go to the gym once or twice a week, try adding another day to your schedule. It'll take some time to adjust to a new routine, but once you have adjusted to your new exercise schedule, you can increase the frequency and intensity of your workouts. As I've said before, it's never going to feel completely normal. Sweating and being out of breath are never going to feel comfortable. The overall reward, though, is tremendous.
Another helpful hint:
Don't weigh yourself weekly and cry yourself to sleep because you've only lost a pound. Focus on how far you've come and the incredible changes you're making. Keep the end in mind! It takes a great deal of patience to see progress when you are having to change every single aspect of your life. If you think about it, it took you how ever many years you've lived to put the weight on; It's not going to fall off overnight.

I appreciate your question, anonymous friend. Thank you for reading, and I hope you find the motivation you're looking for!  

Hey girl, keep running

Have I mentioned how much I love running? I got home from work at 4:15 today, and the only thing I wanted to do was nap. I've given up my afternoon naps this week in an attempt to be more active and productive. Now that I'm working everyday, I have to make time for laundry, cleaning, reading 50 Shades of Grey, etc where I can. Rachel and I didn't run this morning because I had to work, so we planned a night run. I started some laundry and completed a couple of toning exercises. Once my big butt hit the couch though, it was lights out. I woke up to Rachel calling me to tell me she was on her way to my house for our run. I had ten minutes to shovel a banana in my mouth and prepare myself for a 5 miler. I was exhausted and unmotivated, but it didn't take long to get me in the mood once we started. I could have run 5 more because the weather was cool, the sun was setting, and the wind was just light enough to keep my sweat from dripping down my face. It was the perfect run. 

I've been sticking to my guns about my eating habits at work, and surprisingly, I've done really well! Sometimes food will come in the window that I've never seen and I think about how I'd give my right arm to for just a taste of it, but then I remember what it was like to have multiple chins... How quickly your appetite changes! 

I am sad to report that my Adidas Marathons are retired. I will give them a proper burial at the Warrior Dash this October after I wear them for one last race. My new babies are absolutely fabulous! I know nothing about running shoes. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why people spend hundreds of dollars on shoes that their going to wear out in year or so. I don't have a hundred dollars for shoes, so I had to go the Shoe Carnival route. Since January, I've had my heart set on a pair of Reebox Real Flex. They are super lightweight, breathable, and flexible. It's my honor to introduce them to you! I've run 20 miles in them so far, and they were amazingly easy to break in! I absolutely recommend them to any runner looking for a new pair of kicks.

Here are some not-so-fat dinner options for you:

Baked penne with roasted vegetables

I made this the other night, and OMG! For it to be a vegetarian meal, it is unreal! Blakely even liked it (so you know it's good). The roasted vegetables can be changed or substituted as needed.

Remember the chocolate pudding pops from two posts ago? Blakely and I (mostly me) destroyed those in a week. I wanted to make them again because I have to have a sweet after I eat dinner or I will gorge on whatever I can find in my pantry. We looked at the different types of pudding and decided on strawberry creme. Y'all! These suckers taste just like a milkshake. We used the Jello Strawberry Creme pudding and a cup of sugar-free whip cream. Unfortunately, they don't make the strawberry creme pudding in a fat-free option, but it's totally worth the extra calories! Just mix the pudding according to the box, stir in a cup of sugar-free whip cream, and freeze! 

I wish I had a picture...

I found this leg workout on Pinterest, and let me just say that it's the real deal! I am really trying to target my inner thighs. I have a life-long goal of one day having Tina Turner legs. There's no doubt that this will get me there! 

GNC Lean Legs Workout

Here is a little motivation for you this week; I know it motivates me. 

For the love of fried chicken

I know it's been nearly a week since my last update. I apologize greatly! I started a new job this week, and I've been completely consumed by 50 Shades of Grey. Those are legitimate excuses for not blogging, right?!

This week has been a busy week. I've been trying to squeeze in as much time with my friend Nanci as possible before she vanishes for an entire week to attend 8th grade cheer came. It takes a strong woman to attend 8th grade cheer came, that's for sure. It seems like I've been much more active in the town where I attended college. It's been great seeing old friends and catching up. To my surprise, every person I ran into told me how much they enjoy reading my blog. Words cannot express my gratitude. This is my confessional and my motivation for all that I do. Knowing that I am going to have to report my shortcomings and binge eating spells to my readers keeps me in line (for the most part- sometimes fat Shannon peeks her fat head up, and there's just no way around it). Thank you for your support and your kind words. For as long as people tell me they enjoy reading my blog, I will continue to update.

Like I said, I've started a new job! Not a new teaching job- Blakely got me a job at the restaurant where he works as a waitress. Before settling at the private school I worked at for the last 3 years of college, I served everywhere in this town. I'm a master of the craft, and I knew that it would bring in a little more money to put toward grad. school and my classroom. I have always told people that I would rummage through trash cans for food rather than ever work in a restaurant again. You know what they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. For the last 3 years, Blakely has come home every night smelling like wing sauce and philly cheese steaks. Now I have the pleasure of basking in the same greasy glory as my honey.
My biggest fear with working in a restaurant is the food. The last serving job I had was at an Applebee's.  I gained 18 pounds because someone decided it would be a good idea to leave the fries sitting in front of me  with a buffet of dipping sauces for my fat pleasure. Needless to say, I gorged on french fries constantly. I can remember sneaking into the freezer, stealing chocolate mousse desserts, and cramming them down my throat in a hurry while no one was looking. It was pathetically fat and I deserved every single pound I put on my guilty body at that job. My new job is at a chicken wing joint, and every knows my love for all things fried. I can just see myself rolling in wing sauce as I devour endless drumsticks and chase them down with ranch-covered bacon cheddar cheese fries (is it sad that my mouth is watering?). This will be the greatest challenge of my less-fat life. So what's my plan of action, you might be wondering. How will I avoid all the free fried fat and never ending sodas at my fingertips? Here it is, my plan to resist temptation at all costs:

1. Eat before work. I have been working mostly night shifts, so I go in at 4 and get off around 9 or 10. This is smack dap in the middle of second snack and dinner time. Prior to working, I eat a larger snack to carry me through the shift until I can come home and eat dinner. I try to include a fruit or veggie, protein, and a carb of some sort. The other day I made a half of a peanut butter and honey sandwich with an orange. I didn't feel hungry until around 8, and I got off an hour after that. It wasn't too bad. I was able to come home and quickly whip up something for dinner.

2. Limit myself to one non-water drink per shift. I drink water all day everyday. Now that I have access to a soda fountain and tea urn, I find myself craving those things more often. I gave up sodas briefly when I first started losing weight, and now I'll have one or two a week. At work, I can drink whatever I want, whenever I want. The best way I know how to deal with this is to hold tight to my water. I will fill up my to-go cup with lemon water until just before they close down the drink fountain. At the end of the night, I will allow myself ONE cup of tea or soda. I feel like it's the most reasonable way to handle the situation.

3. When eating the food from work, avoid all things fried. There are always healthier options. Fried chicken can be substituted for grilled chicken in every meal on the menu. You can also substitute fries for vegetables or a salad. I don't plan on eating there much because the smell of it has turned me off completely, but when I do, it has to be modified. Luckily, Blakely works in the kitchen, so I don't have to worry about being hassled over my picky eating habits.

Onto other things... I had a friend ask me what iPhone apps I use to manage my weight. Smartphones have contributed a great deal to my weight loss success, and there are 3 apps in particular that I really enjoy using.

Map My Run

This is, hands down, my favorite fitness app. I use Map My Run daily to track my running. It can track any and all exercise that you do. It counts the calories you've burned, the number of steps you taken, and even maps it out for you! This app is available for iPhone and Android users. 

My Fitness Pal

This is not an app that I use regularly. If I am having a seriously fat week where I just can't bring myself to stop eating Nutella by the spoonful, then I will start tracking my calories to show myself what a fatty I've been. My Fitness Pal is most commonly used to track calories. It also logs exercises and rewards you with more calories to consume for exercising. It was a huge eye-opener for me to see how many calories I was eating everyday. This app is definitely a must have if you are just starting out! You can also add and track your friends progress if they use the app too! This app is also available for iPhone and Android users. 

Nike Training Club

This app is the jam! There are endless workouts to target anything and everything. Best of all, there are videos to demonstrate each and every exercise they have you do. You can use this app and listen to iTunes or Pandora. Once you begin a workout using the app, a voice over instructs you the entire time. You can pause it if you are unsure of what it's telling you to do and watch a brief tutorial of the exercise. 

It's one of my favorites! I'm not sure if this app is open to Android users, but my iPhone friends, you really need this app. It's free!